Change of plans

Y'all know how I hate talking on the phone, right? I'm so phonophobic that I have long planned on being the last person in North America to own a cell phone. I hardly ever answer the phone at home, so why on earth would I ever carry one of those damned contraptions around with me?

Anyway, I asked for an iPod for Christmas, and Santa brought me this:



Aw, jeez. Don't tell anybody, okay? Because they might call me. Or, even worse, text me.

I'm telling you all now: I will not text. I refuse. Don't even try it. I will not text you back.

There is one thing I like about my iPhone: I downloaded all my music on it so now it's like an iPod. I tucked it securely into my undies and happily danced to everything from the Jackson 5 to Stevie Ray Vaughan while baking cookies at 3:00 yesterday morning.

What? Well, what was I supposed to do? I didn't have any pockets!

But now I know you'll keep your hands off my iPhone.

Visitors

The Christmas party at Britt's school was last Friday. She posed for me with her friend Tynli:



And then... who's that at the door?



Could it be...?



It was!

Britt waited patiently for her turn to sit on Santa's lap:



She was so nervous she forgot to tell him she wants a swimming puppy:



But I think he'll bring her one anyway.

Britt's other grandpa came to see her this weekend, bringing Christmas gifts:



And then we finally put the tree up, and let Britt decorate it:



She did such a good job. Except for the cluster of red balls at the front. We call them "holly berries."



Sarah came by yesterday with her new boyfriend, but without the baby. He was... somewhere. She brought lots of gifts, including the one Mikey told her not to get because he already bought it, so he's off returning it right now. I "forgot" to take any pictures, but I did remember to hide the toothbrushes so she couldn't swish them through the toilet water.

And now we're ready for Santa! Woo-hoo!

Britt's Christmas Gift Guide

Britt was "helping" Mikey put up Christmas lights this weekend; she came running in from the garage to tell me, "Our Christmas decorations are in the attic! It's like a basement!"

She's very excited about Christmas this year. Actually, she's decided she wants a Halloween Christmas. And a Halloween birthday. Every day should be Halloween, as far as she concerned.

So, what does Britt want for Christmas? Aside from every toy advertised on TV, here are a few items she's let slip lately:

"I want wots and wots of books for Christmas! Santa's making them! He's painting and painting and painting!"

"I want some skating shoes. You get 'em at the skating shoe store."

"I want a gardening set for Christmas."
"A gardening set?"
"Uh-huh, for outside."
"What are you gonna plant?"
"Some cheese!"

Anyway, books are always a great gift. We get books from the library every week and it breaks her heart when we have to take them back. Her favorite stories feature animals, like this or this or this. Dr. Seuss is always good; she doesn't have this one or this one or this one yet.

I'm getting her the Tag Reading System, so any of the books that go along with that would be great. She got a Leapster 2 for her birthday and she already has several of the Pre-K games (Pet Pals, Creature Creator, Backyardigans and Diego). Any other Pre-K or Kindergarten-level games would be cool.

She loves stuffed animals, and comes up with the most creative names for them: Teddy the bear (her dearest friend), Parry the parrot, Rabby the rabbit, Pengwy the penguin, Giraffy the giraffe. Go for less common animals, like a llama or a rhino and you'll probably find something she doesn't have already.

She's been asking for Barbies lately. Mikey went shopping the other night and accidentally pulled one of her Christmas gifts out of the bag right in front of her. Britt was delighted with her new Ballerina Barbie and promptly named her Ballareeny. She's also asking for Peekaboo Barbies; she doesn't have any of those yet.

She could use some new bath toys. Something like this, maybe, or this. And I could use one of these.

She needs more long-sleeved tops and pants for school, but she already has more dressy outfits than she can use. She wears a size 5T and shoe size 10. She has a Hello Kitty umbrella but no raincoat or galoshes. If you go that route, go a size bigger so she can wear them next year, too.

And that's all I can think of right now.

Oh, wait -- I just remembered one more thing Britt told me she wants for Christmas.

An x-ray machine.

Wow, that was quick!

Britt just had her school pictures taken on Tuesday, and we already got the proofs back.

Only tonight did I realize the full suckitude of my scanner. The proof quality isn't that bad, but these scanned images are pretty horrible. I fiddled with different settings but nothing helped, so I'm just telling you that the final pictures will look much better than these do.

So much clutter in this picture. Where's Brittany? Oh, there she is!



This one's cute except her bangs are messed up:



Someone finally stepped in and fixed her bangs and I'm wondering why that didn't happen before the other two shots were taken. Anyway, this is my favorite:



I don't like this one. Cute idea, but not a flattering picture. Her hair looks weird and her face is all scrunched on one side. And what is that in the background? Fungus?



Anyway, let me know how many of which ones you want, because I have to get the order figured out and turned in by Tuesday.

Crafty Kid

Britt came through the office and started digging through her basket of craft supplies. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Looking for clues!" she replied.

Then she thrust a handful of pipecleaners in my face and asked what they were. I told her they were pipecleaners. "Uh-uh," she said, "they're buckaroos!"

She took off with sheets of construction paper, googly eyes and other assorted items, then came back and started digging again. "Now what are you doing?" "I'm looking for more clues!"

Clues? Buckaroos? Beats the hell outta me.

*****

She came hopping in from the backyard, pointed somewhere near her ankle and wailed, "I broke my bone! It very hurts!" "Your bone? You mean your foot?" "No, right here!" "You broke your leg?" "No, here!" "You broke your ankle?" "No, I broke my bone!" "Well, is it still broke?" "No," she said, and hopped back outside again.

*****

She watched me fixing some cheese nuggets for her lunch, and said, "I might need some chopsticks for those." Where she came up with the idea, I have no clue. After that, she started hoarding corndog sticks and using them as makeshift chopsticks -- which basically consists of trying various handholds while occasionally stabbing bits of food so she can shove them into her mouth.

*****

Trying to convince me she needed to take a bath, on a night when she didn't really need to take a bath: "But I'm so stink! I smell like a puppy!"

*****

Today she wandered up and burped at me. She said, "I burpeded. Like a catfish." And then she wandered away again.

*****

It may be time for a refresher course on good manners but, holy crap, this kid cracks me up.

Good News/Bad News

Good news: I cleaning up my office and found the software CD for the video camera! I can post videos on my blog again!

Bad news: It's Windows-compatible only, and I have a Mac.

Good news: I have Parallels, so I can run Windows programs on my Mac!

Bad news: I installed the video software, and now Parallels won't work. It says there's a problem with the driver.

So now I have to reinstall the driver. Which means I have to find my Parallels software. Somewhere. Wherever it got off to.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Unpleasant Realities

As soon as the weather turned cold, our garage was invaded by mice. Mikey went and bought a set of four mousetraps, which were duly baited with Velveeta and set out at strategic points around the garage.

Mikey disposed of the first two victims by winding an entire roll of paper towels around each hand, then carefully picking up the mousetrap and dropping the whole thing -- mouse and trap -- into the trash. The next two mice were caught while he was at work the next day. I released their tiny corpses into the trash can, then rebaited the traps and set them out again. And promptly caught two more mice, which I disposed of in the same manner.

When Mikey came home from work, I reported our tally of six dead mice so far. Smart guy that he is, he quickly worked out the math: 4 traps + 6 dead mice = he wasn't eating any food prepared by my contaminated hands, so I got out of cooking dinner that night. Wheee!

Anyway, the two remaining traps sat in the garage, rebaited but untripped, for the past three or four weeks -- until two days ago.

Now, Britt is not allowed in the garage because it defeats the whole purpose of smoking out there, which is to keep the smoke away from her, and also because it's a few minutes of blessed peace. But, once she learned how to open the door, she kept trying to come and hang out with us in the smoke hole -- until Mikey convinced her there were snakes in the garage. Since then her garage visiting has been limited to popping her head out the door and attempting to carry on conversations until she gets yelled at to shut the door.

And so, two days ago, she popped her head out and spotted a dead mouse in the trap by the door. In her little world, mice are cute cartoon creatures named Jerry and Mickey, and she obviously had trouble reconciling what she saw since she's been chattering about it nonstop ever since. "He has a tail. Did you see his tail?" "The trap got him? Did it get him?" "He died dead! The trap killed him?" "He ate the cheese and the trap went like this!" (making trap-snapping motion with her hands).

Last night I was fixin' to fry up some steaks for dinner when Britt came ambling over. Seeing the steaks, she yelled, "Eeeew! Fish! I don't like fish!" I explained to her that it wasn't fish, it was beef, and she asked "What's beef?" So I said, "It comes from a cow." And immediately kicked myself, because I wasn't ready to go there. "A cow?" she said doubtfully. She stood there thinking and then said, "A cow is made of those?" "Uhhhhmmmm...." said I, because cows are still cute cartoon creatures in her little world. Finally, she figured out the answer. "His body musta broke." And then she wandered off and left me trying to stifle a fit of laughter.

Anyway, the mouse is still out there in the trap. (Perhaps this is why Britt keeps talking about it? Ya think?) I must've caught the contamination oogies from Mikey because we're outwaiting each other to see who will give in first and throw it out. Mercifully, it's been cold out so it hasn't started to stink yet. But I ain't touching the damned thing.

Baby Lily

Just cute as a button!













I could nibble on those sweet little drumsticks all day long!

I Ba-Rocked the vote today!

So did Bridgie.

Did you?

Pretty Kitty

Okay, I slacked off and didn't take a whole lot of pictures last night. Sue me. I'm old and it's like six miles between houses that have their porch lights on and I told Mikey we're driving instead of walking next Halloween.

I took two pictures, to be exact:



Britt got spooked by this motion-activated dude; she just stood there staring at him until I finally told her to move it along.



Anyway, we're headed to Wichita to see Baby Lily in the morning and, since there won't be any hiking involved, I promise to take lots and lots of pictures.

Happy Halloween!

This is Britt's costume:



Can you tell what she's supposed to be?



She was so excited, she did a little dance for me:



Okay, just kidding. That was stuff she picked out of the winter clothes bag. She thought she looked great.

Actually, she's going to be a kittycat this year. Well, she wanted to be a caterpillar, but I searched high and low and couldn't find a caterpillar costume anywhere. So she decided to be a kittycat instead:



This was after the Halloween party at school, so most of her whiskers are rubbed off. But do you see the pink feathers around the neckline? Yes, that is the neckline; I had to add the turtleneck underneath because it was so low-cut. I was pissed when I first put it on her! This is how they design costumes for a four-year-old? Also, it was very short, so I made her wear the pants, too.

And then she noticed...



that we had a scary new Halloween decoration:



Ack! That sucker's huge! Like three inches long! At least!

Anyway, Britt will be trick-or-treating tonight, so stayed tuned for more pictures tomorrow.

Blast from the Past

I dialed up my old YouTube account last night and watched the three videos that I managed to upload in 2006 before Bridgie came over and installed her Kodak software on my computer, which caused my software to no longer recognize my video camera. *

Anyway, there was one video I'd uploaded but never posted on here. So, here's our little rock chick when she was about 20 months old:



The part where she imitates Robert Plant's wails just slays me.

* Since I got my new computer, I haven't been able find my video software CD. I checked the Sony website to see if I could download it from there, but they wanted sixty or seventy bucks for it. So, if you're wondering why I never post videos anymore, that's why.

Back to the Barnyard

Yesterday was our third annual trip to Chester's Pumpkin Patch. And I took lots of pictures, of course, because it's fun to see her doing the same things at one-year intervals. This was our first trip, when she was two, and here's last year's trip, when she was three.

Another milestone

Britt informed me today that she doesn't need her potty seat anymore. "It's for babies," she says.

(***high five***)

Although it was pretty darn cute when we'd be fixin' to go somewhere and she'd present herself with the potty seat slung over her shoulder and announce, "I'm ready!" Sadly, I never got that on video.

It runs in the family

"Just sittin' here, minding my own business..."



"Aw, man! Here comes Grammy with her camera again."



"No pictures! I said NO PICTURES!"



(***sigh***)

Giving me the hand already, just like her sister.

Isn't she pretty?

Both of my grandbabies are such beautiful little girls.

Road Trippin'

I took Jessica and the girls out to lunch before leaving Wichita this afternoon; Britt scored a balloon as we left the restaurant.

While driving home to OKC, I heard her say, "My beyoon! I'm going to call you Beyoony! You're my very best friend for ever and ever! You're stupendous!"

I almost drove right off the road. Our little genius used a three-syllable word in appropriate context! When she can't even pronounce "balloon"!

Then she slept for most of the trip home and, when she woke up, she found that Beyoony had lost most of his air. She said, "Oh, Beyoony. You are not my friend anymore. I'm going to pop you!"

And so she did.

And then -- well, have you seen the U-Haul trucks that have the big green spider painted on the side? After we passed one on the highway, she twisted around in her seat and yelled, "You'll never catch us, Spider Truck!"

Seriously, y'all, with entertainment like that emanating from my back seat, what do I need a car stereo for?

Guess Who's Here!

Liliana Jean-Jane arrived at 11:16 last night, all 6 pounds and 14 ounces of her. She's healthy, she's beautiful, she's perfect in every way, and I'm over the moon!

P.S. She really was born last night, not in 2007. Bob needs to fix the date on his camera.

Big Weekend

We went to Kayla's 7th birthday party today, at a place that is not Chuck E. Cheese's but is like Chuck E. Cheese's on steroids. Oh, yay.

First, there were party favors and pizza:



Then there was cake:



And then it was time to play.

Britt played a round of golf:





And rode some stuff:



And played lots of games:



And found a dinosaur dispensing goodies:



She was surprisingly good at shooting baskets:



But not quite as good at air hockey:



But bowling was totally her favorite:







Then, after a spin around the racetrack,



we traded the 558 tickets she had won for a stamp set, a dinosaur and a crocodile and got the hell out of there. At 8:15. The party had started at 4:30.

Aaargh, exhausted. (And I haven't even mentioned the drama. Oh, yes, there was drama. But I can't talk about it right now; I still have a million things to do tonight.)

Alas, there was no rest for the weary. We haven't gotten around to buying me a new zipmobile yet, so we drove halfway across the city to rent me a car to drive to Wichita tomorrow morning. But we're finally home and I still have to do laundry and take a shower and pack so we'll be all ready to go.

Because, if everything goes as planned, by this time tomorrow we'll have a brand new baby girl in the family.