My Other Girl

So Bridgie started working in the mortgage industry six years ago. She spent five years at one place and then moved over to First Magnus last year, where she did great. She liked them and they liked her and she quickly progressed up the ranks, with ever-increasing responsibility and more money than I ever made.

And now, she doesn't have a job anymore.

Two weeks ago, First Magnus shut down and filed for bankruptcy. I'd never heard of them so I assumed they were an independent outfit like the first mortgage place she worked for, but it turns out that Bridgie is just one of over 5,000 people who lost their jobs across the country.

She's also one of more than 5,000 people who never got their last paychecks. They were paid bi-monthly and the pay period ended the day before the place shut down, so Bridgie's out half a month's pay.

And now, the bankruptcy judge has ruled that the former employees are unsecured creditors and have to get in line to get their money just like any other vendor.

Anyway, it looks like Bridgie's gonna have to give up the house she was renting and move back home for awhile. She's filed for unemployment and she's been job hunting -- even been on a few interviews -- but this thing has already knocked her into a hole that it'll take a while to climb out of. And she's not likely to find another job that pays as much as she was getting, especially since she'll probably have to find a new line of work because the mortgage industry is in a shambles right now.

In other news, today was Britt's first day back at school after a bad cold, and Sherri's been scrubbing herself with dog shit.

Third Day

Actually, there was no third day of school. We had to call in sick today.

We've been up and down all night with Britt, who had a fever and some rough coughing spells. Which is not like a huge shock or anything, since she's been around a bunch of new kids and their new germs all week.

I just wish it would've waited until tomorrow, if it had to happen at all, because she loves going to school.

Poor little Pooh.

Second Day

First Day

This morning we headed out, armed with a nap pad and princess blanky, two boxes of Kleenex and a bottle of Germ-X. Britt took charge of her Elmo bag, packed with Pull-Ups and wipes and an extra change of clothes:



In just a few minutes, we were at the school:



Just inside the doors we waited while Mikey wrote a big check, and then we took Britt to her classroom, where she quickly settled in:



She got a little bit weepy when we left, but she wasn't squalling like some of the other kids.

And she did fine. When I picked her up after school, her teacher reported that she participated well in group activities, sang songs, and colored a picture of her hand for a project about family and community that they're working on. But she did not nap, which was no surprise.

She did much better than Mikey did. He was all heavy sighs and shuddering groans after we dropped her off, but I think he'll probably be all right. Eventually.

Anyway, Big Sugar is officially a pre-schooler now.

We are freshly orientated

We went to Britt's school tonight and met her teachers, Miss Millie and Miss Margie, and inspected her classroom while she played with some of her new classmates.

Several other parent-type couples came up and introduced themselves to us. I was a bit shocked, even though I understand this is a perfectly normal thing to do. It just isn't normal for me.

Mikey hadn't seen the place yet, and he was impressed. Maybe he'll quit worrying so much about it now. Or maybe not. You know how he is.

Britt brought home a goody bag donated by a pediatric dentist which, not surprisingly, contained a toothbrush, some dental floss and a tube of "poo-taste." She was thrilled to bits and spent twenty minutes brushing her teeth. Allegedly. I got bored and wandered off, so I couldn't testify to what exactly she was doing in there.

Anyway, first day of school tomorrow! Woo-hoo!

Pre-Preschool Days

Sorry I haven't posted anything lately, but I've been busy savoring this last week of having Britt all to myself. And trying everything I can think of to get her to poop in the potty so I can send her to school in panties instead of Pull-Ups, but we're still getting nowhere with that.

On Monday night we go to the school to meet Britt's teacher and have an orientation kind of thing, and then on Tuesday morning I'll be handing her over to strangers for the first time ever. I'm excited for her because I think she's gonna love it, but Mikey's trying to back out already. He's afraid somebody might be mean to her or something, so he says we should just keep her here at home with us. Like forever.

Honestly, I'm more worried about Britt being the one beating up other kids. She gets a little slap-happy when she's excited, and she wallops me pretty good now and then. And it hurts! For a kid who started out so tiny, she sure has grown into a powerful little package.

Okay, it's done

I remembered to wear deodorant but forgot to bring a comb.

We went to Britt's zoo class first, so by the time we got to the ballet school I was wilted from the heat and my hair was hanging in clumps; Britt was pissed that we didn't stay at the zoo as long as we normally do, so she was playing Little Miss Cranky-Butt.

But!

They let us in anyway. Britt's enrolled in their youngest pre-ballet class, which starts on September 7. All we have left to do is buy her pink leotard, pink tights and pink slippers. And I have to learn how to put her hair in a bun, since it has to be off her face and neck (no long ponytails allowed!).

And now, since I didn't sleep a wink all night, I'm gonna fix Britt some lunch and then I'll be tits up on the couch until further notice.

I just painted my nails

for the first time in . . . ? Um, I might have painted them for Sherri's wedding in 2005. I know I had a manicure just before Britt was born, because Sarah wanted me to go to the nail place with her and I was Making an Effort to bond with her.

Also, I just put on my old diamond necklace because I've already broken the chain on my new diamond necklace. I dug out some gold hoop earrings, too.

It's too late to do anything about my damn hair. It'll just have to hang straight off my head like it always does.

My cutest outfit is clean and ready to go.

Too bad I can't get some lipo done between now and 9 AM.

(Please, God, don't let me forget to wear deodorant.)

Dang, I'm nervous.

Enrollment day at the ballet school for Britt. It's a very nice one. Intimidatingly so. They teach classical ballet technique. Using only proper French terminology. And their students have gone on to join dance companies all over the country. All around the world, in fact.

(Well, that's what their website says. They could be lying.)

Anyway, I don't want them to look at dowdy old me and decide that maybe we aren't right for them, somehow. That maybe the class will be suddenly be "full."

It's silly, I know. I just don't feel very confident right now. I've been living such an insular life for the past seven years and now that Britt will be going to two different kinds of school, I'll have to start interacting with people. Not just once or twice a month, but on a regular basis. Like, almost daily. Which is just not my thing at all.

I don't want stand out from the crowd as some kind of socially backward outsider, even though that's pretty much what I am. I want to blend in. I want to fit.

(***sigh***)

It feels like the first day of junior high all over again.

She's in!

The preschool just called: They got another teacher hired, so they have room for Britt after all.

Okay, now I can breathe again.

School Daze Update

I called the ballet school one more time before trying e-mail. This time I got a recording that said enrollment day was Saturday, August 4. I may have screamed, a little.

But!

Then it said there's another enrollment day on Saturday, August 11.

Now I'm wracked with anxiety. I'm afraid that the preschool won't get a teacher hired and there'll be no room for Britt after all, and that we'll be at the tail-end of the sign-up line for dance class and she'll be put on yet another waiting list.

And then we'll try other preschools and dance schools and Britt will wind up on waiting lists all over town and, in the meantime, she'll be stuck here at home with nowhere to go.

I would hate that for her. She is so ready to go.

School Daze

I found a preschool for Britt; it's at a Methodist church less than three miles from our house and it's three days a week from 9 to 2.

It costs $160 a month plus $2.50 a day for lunch and I was kind of worried about that, since it's a substantial chunk of change and I'm not bringing home a paycheck anymore. We don't get child support or any kind of financial assistance for Britt, so whatever we do for her we do on our own dime. But Mikey didn't even blink at that; he wanted to know what the facilities were like, the teachers' qualifications, security, and all that kind of stuff.

I took Britt over there on Friday for a tour, and she loved it. The woman who showed us around opened doors so we could peek into different classrooms and Britt ran right in, delighted to see all the kids. Same thing on the playground; there was a four-year-old class at recess and Britt ran right out and started playing with them. She was very unhappy when we had to leave.

So, it looks great and it sounds great, Britt loves it and I think it would be good for her. I brought home the enrollment form and ordered a copy of her immunization record so I can get everything turned in next week, because the new school year starts on August 21.

But!

The class for her age group is full. There's a waiting list.

But!

There are enough kids on the waiting list that they decided to create an additional class for her age group.

But!

They haven't been able to get a teacher hired yet.

(***sigh***)

Also, we're enrolling Britt in ballet school. The one we picked is $45 a month, which is not bad at all.

But!

I guess they're closed for the summer, because I get an answering machine when I call and nobody has ever called me back.

Maybe I should try e-mailing them? I think I will.

A Rare Treat

After our trip to Mom's last weekend, Monday was spent on frantic house straightening and carpet cleaning.

My sister Debbie came for a visit on Tuesday with my grandnieces Madison and Emily in tow. They're 10 and 7 and Britt was beyond thrilled to have kids right here at home for her to play with.

Deb and I upheld family tradition by cracking open a jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table and gossiping about our kids, our siblings, their kids, and Mom. So, if your ears were burning this week, now you know why.

We went out to eat Tuesday night and then went over to inspect Chris and Sherri's new house. They have a lot of work to do, but it'll be really nice when they get it all done. And it's only a few miles from here, instead of in a whole 'nother town, so maybe I'll get to see Sherri more often.

On Wednesday, we went over to my in-laws' and spent a lazy afternoon lounging by the pool while the girls swam and played, then we came home and grilled some burgers, finished our puzzle, and gossiped some more.

Alas, our time passed too quickly and suddenly it was Thursday and Deb and the girls had to head home. And right now I sorely miss living close enough to my brother and sisters to be able to spend quality time with them more than once or twice a year.

(***sniff***)

Weekend in Tulsa

Mikey, Little Miss Whirlwind and me spent Saturday night in Mom's bed; she says it's a queen size, but I kind of doubt it. I woke up in a world of hurt Sunday morning, but Mom's biscuits and gravy made me feel a little better.

We had planned to get to the Tulsa Zoo earlier in the morning so it wouldn't be so hot, but we didn't get there until after 1:00 and oh, my Lord, it was hot.

The worst thing about getting out and about with Britt is that she's a runner. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she's off. No matter where we go, I'm constantly yelling, "Britt! Come back here! Brittany! Brittany Anne! STOP!" while running after her. And so, I was doing a lot of that yesterday.

About halfway through the zoo, we ran across a family we had last encountered near the admission gate, and the woman turned around and said, "Oh, look. It's Brittany!" I had a Stilwell Angel flashback and cringed with embarrassment.

There were moments when she wasn't running,



but they were rare.

The "chimpmonks" grabbed her attention because one of them had a baby, so she actually stood still for a few minutes:



And she sat still during the train ride,



but only because she was strapped in.

Mikey wound up carrying her a lot, to keep her from running off.



And then we went to the Oklahoma Aquarium at Jenks. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The long hallway down the middle of the place was just too much of a temptation, and Britt had to be carried so she wouldn't keep running down it. Then, she saw the turtles! She loves turtles! But not frogs; they're too scary.

She got to feed the turtles,



and that's all she wanted to do, until we steered her toward the manta ray tank.



And that's all she wanted to do, until we discovered the touch tank, where we saw a Patrick!



And then, the shark tunnel!



(Stupid frickin' shutter delay. This was the best shot I could get.)

Then it was time to leave, and Britt had to be carried away kicking and screaming, because she wanted to go through the shark tunnel again and again and again.

We've been trying to get away to take this little trip all year, and it's with a big sigh of relief that I say we finally did it and we won't have to do it again for at least a couple of years, when Britt will hopefully be a slightly more reasonable human being.

Lucky for her that she's so dang cute.

Dang, y'all

I'm fixin' to go see my mama this weekend, so I'm sitting here burning CDs of classic country music that I've collected for her.

Meanwhile, I had a browser page open in the background and my eye fell upon these words:

Mama, don't EVER stop writing this blog, I would die if I couldn't read this everyday!! This is the best blog in the history of the universe! Keep up the good work!

And, you know, just for a second there, my distracted mind imagined that I was looking at my own blog page, and that one of my beloved children had written those sweet words to me.

However, I was mistaken.

Those words were written to Mama at The Real Estalker (which is absolutely hilarious, BTW; you should go check it out).

I felt so happy, just for a second, that when I realized my mistake, my heart broke just a little.

(***sniff***)

Oh, Bob, that reminds me: Your sister found your name on the state's unclaimed property listings. You've got a $90 tax refund check waiting for you.

Friday Shuffle: Anniversary Edition

Last night Mikey called to ask if I wanted to celebrate with wine or with champagne; two minutes later he called back and said he had hearts floating around his head and couldn't remember which one I wanted.

Hearts floating around his head! I melted.

Then he came home with a beautiful diamond cross necklace and a bottle of Dom Pérignon, and we went out to dinner, where Britt was a hellion and a half.

After we got home and put her to bed, we had a little couch party. And you don't need to know anything more about that.

Anyway, in honor of our 10th wedding anniversary and the 14th anniversary of our first date, I fast-forwarded through my iTunes shuffle to find something appropriate:

1. You're All I Need to Get By, Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
2. Let's Stay Together, Al Green
3. Hard to Handle, Black Crowes (this was in the cassette player during our first date)
4. You Make Loving Fun, Fleetwood Mac
5. Maybe I'm Amazed, Paul McCartney
6. Pride and Joy, Stevie Ray Vaughan
7. Old Brown Shoe, The Beatles
8. God Only Knows, The Beach Boys
9. An Old-Fashioned Love Song, Three Dog Night
10. I've Been Loving You Too Long, Otis Redding

Aw, why stop at ten? Here's four more for the years we lived in sin:

11. Happy Together, The Turtles
12. Jungle Love, Morris Day & the Time
13. Melt With You, Modern English
14. What Is Life, George Harrison

July 26, 1997

I wasn't interested having in a wedding; I would've been fine getting married at the courthouse, but Mikey insisted that we marry in the church and now I'm glad we did.

But still, putting together a wedding is a pain in the ass, no matter how scaled-down you go. Ours was miniscule, and I still managed to half-ass it.

I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone, so Bridgie and I headed off to Glamour Shots that afternoon to get our hair and makeup done, and to get some nice portraits to commemorate the event:



When he saw the pictures later, Mikey was a little upset that I took the maid of honor with me instead of the groom.

We had no photographer on hand, so our actual wedding photos are just snapshots. And somebody (you know who you are) snuck me off and got me stoned for the first time in years just before it was time to go to the church. I looked like it, too, and I was terrified that Mikey would figure it out and be furious with me (I did finally tell him a few years later, when we could laugh about it).

Anyway, the point is that our wedding photos look like crap. These were the best of the lot:



The wedding cake I ordered was too small, so my mother-in-law had to run to a grocery store bakery after the wedding to make sure there was enough cake to feed everybody.



The reception was hosted by my in-laws, and no one told them that some of my friends from work would be there. They get kind of hinky about things like that, so that was another uh-oh for the evening.

It was a relief, after all the screw-ups, missteps and tension, when it was finally, blessedly, over.

Marrying Mikey is pretty much the only thing I did right that day.

Ten years ago today.

Gah. Just, gah.

Insomnia's been kicking my ass this week, so I was catching a few winks on the couch when Bridgie came over for lunch.

When I got up to answer the door, my foot landed in something brown and mushy on the carpet.

Oh. My. God.

So I half-hopped to the door, let Bridgie in and told her what just happened. Then I went and grabbed some toilet paper to clean up the mess.

Once I was down on my knees fixin' to pick it up, it occurred me that I wasn't smelling anything foul, so I bent down and looked closer.

And started laughing.

It was one of these. From Mikey's snack stash. That Britt had apparently raided while I was snoozing.

Bridgie said, "I bet you were never so happy to see cake smashed into the carpet."

She got that right.

Boy, I tell you what -- this potty-training business has got me all drove up. I need to catch a break, and soon.

Well, I never

All the Pull-Ups and panties are hidden where Britt can't get to them. She's running around with a bare butt all day. She has no choice but to either poop on the potty or on the floor and, believe me, I've been watching where I step.

Yesterday, I put dinner on to cook and then began clearing the debris field that results from Britt's day of play. It's not unusual to find used Wet Wipes lying around because she'll get herself one to wipe her hands when they get sticky. So I thought nothing of it when I picked up a used wipe off the floor.

Guess what rolled out of it?

Yeah.

It's the shits, man

I'm sorry to keep going on and on about this but, since my whole life revolves around it right now, I don't have much else to talk about.

Britt still won't poop in the potty.

I let her run around with a bare butt one day and she sneaked off and put on a Pull-Up and pooped in it.

The next time I tried it I hid the Pull-Ups from her, so she sneaked off to her room, got some panties out of her drawer, put them on and pooped in them.

Then I hid all her panties with the Pull-Ups and tried again. She got into a bag of outgrown clothes that were sitting in her room and found a pair of size 2T panties (she wears a 4T), put them on and pooped in them.

Tonight I got her dressed for bed and put a Pull-Up on her, then went out to the garage for a smoke. A little bit later Mikey came out and said that he knew how to get her to poop on the potty.

Oh, yeah? (says I)
As soon as you left, she hid behind the couch and started grunting.
So did you put her on the potty?
Well, no. She pooped in the Pull-Up.
And this is your big epiphany?

He explained that I should try putting her on the potty after I put a Pull-Up on her, thinking that it somehow triggered her poop reflex. I explained to him the error of his thinking.

I've spent a lot of time in the bathroom lately waiting for brown gold, and it just ain't happening. The thing is, Britt has excellent poop control. She never, ever poops when we're away from home. She outwaits me when I make her sit on the potty and try to talk her into letting it go. Sometimes, like today, she holds it all day long until an opportune moment presents itself.

She just doesn't want to do it in the potty, and she isn't going to until she wants to. I guess the trick is to figure out how to make her want to.

She's a stubborn one, Britt is. I haven't fought such a battle of wills since Bridgie was a teenager.

Family News

Sherri and Chris finally bought a house! I don't have any details yet; stay tuned to Sherri's blog for more info.

Jenny had her baby on the 10th. His name is Jadon Asher, or maybe Jaydon. Mom wasn't sure how it's spelled.

Bridgie called this evening and asked how to spell "conscious" and "necessary."

Britt has pooped in her panties for the past two days.

And that's all I know.