The Grammie Rewards

By George!

2011-10-30T13:57:00.002-05:00

And so a week has passed and I'm sure you're dying to know how our healthier eating went this week, right? No? Well, too bad, because it's the only blog-worthy thing I have to report this week.

Last weekend I went to Claremore to help clear out Mom's apartment and scored a George Foreman grill. I always wanted to try one but didn't feel like spending money on something I'd most likely use a few times and then stash away, so this was a golden opportunity to try one out for free. It's a huge honkin' thing that takes up a mile of counter space and the instruction booklet was copyrighted in 2000 so it probably hasn't been used for a decade. But, hey, it still works! And I used it all week!

On Monday I grilled boneless skinless chicken breasts, marinated all day, with oven-roasted fries sprinkled with sea salt. Awesome! Tuesday was tilapia filets topped with butter and lemon, but they were so thin I was afraid to grill them too long so, of course, I took them out too soon and had to run them through the microwave to finish cooking. By Wednesday, Mikey was hungry for a cheeseburger. FYI, 95% lean ground beef is much too dry for a cheeseburger. On Thursday we had NY strip steaks with this stuff on the side (Delicious! I reheated the leftovers for breakfast AND lunch the next day!) And then Friday came along and I needed a break, so we had Stouffer's frozen lasagna because we have a freezer full of not-so-healthy stuff that needs to be used up. Last night, Mikey had the leftover lasagna and I had a couple of Jimmy Dean bacon, egg and cheese croissants.

So, overall, we did okay. Better than usual. Ate some good food, ate some not-so-good food. Mikey went to Wal-Mart last night and came home with a bag full of cookies and assorted snacks and I could have kicked him. But guess what? I've lost about five pounds! And I wasn't even trying!

And the Sunflower Farmers Market? LOVE IT!!! So much cheaper than Akins, maybe a little more expensive than the regular grocery store. Everything I need for the healthy recipes I've been collecting. And then my hair lady clued me in to the fact that we have a Whole Foods right here in OKC. When did that happen?

What's Cooking?

2011-10-23T17:37:00.004-05:00

Mikey is recovering slowly from his gallbladder attack. He has gone to work for a few hours a day most of the week but he actually took TWO WHOLE DAYS off and, if you know him, that is truly astonishing. That's how I know how seriously sick he has been.

He's supposed to eat a low-fat, low-cholesteral, high-fiber diet now to help ward off any future attacks. We've tried to eat healthier in the past, but it's more expensive to eat fresh healthy foods and all that peeling and chopping is A LOT of work. We start off with good intentions and then we hit a few not-so-good recipes and Mikey's over it and I'm discouraged so we slide right back to the same old crap we always eat. This time, though, I'm determined to try harder. Nothing else has motivated me more than rushing my beloved to the hospital, scared out of my wits.

I recently discovered Pinterest, and it's been a handy tool for finding and saving healthy recipes I want to try. I'm not interested in eating tofu or using regular recipes that substitute "low-fat" ingredients. I'd rather not cook with cheese at all than use a low-fat version. That's some of the stuff that's tripped us up before. I'm just looking for tasty ways to get more fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains into our diet and get away from processed foods as much as we can stand. Easier said than done, of course, but I've already warned Mikey that this is what I'm going to be cooking and he can either eat it or not eat it, but I am no longer going to feed my husband to death.

He hasn't eaten much all week other than oatmeal, dried fruit and Gatorade, but he was finally ready for something more filling so I made this soup the other night. He's a notoriously picky eater but he happens to love spinach, so I used that instead of kale and it turned out GREAT! He went back for seconds and reheated it the next day and ate two more bowlfuls.

So far so good, right? Well, maybe. I asked Mikey what he wanted to eat tonight and he thought about it and finally settled on spaghetti. Great!, I thought. I already have whole wheat pasta and found a healthy sauce to make with pureed vegetables hidden in it and I can whip up some vinaigrette for a little salad on the side and I just need to run to the store for some zucchini and...

Then he left to go do some work and, as he headed out the door, he said don't worry about dinner, I'll stop at the store and get some spaghetti sauce.

**sigh**

That's what I get for being unprepared. I need to stop finding new recipes and get busy working out my menus for the week so I can make sure to have all the ingredients on hand. Being all organized like that is not my strong suit, but we have a brand-new Sunflower Farmers Market in OKC and I'm heading over there tomorrow to check it out. I've looked at their website and am hoping they'll be more reasonably priced than the hideously expensive health food store we've shopped at in the past, because there aren't that many healthy food sources in this town.

Anyway, Mikey's home now and he's cooking dinner for me: processed spaghetti sauce, white pasta, white bread with garlic, butter and cheese on it. Yay.

Affliction

2011-10-18T09:51:00.007-05:00

I'm not allowed to write about my husband on the Internet. He has asked me repeatedly not to. Usually, I mention him only in passing, maybe something funny that happened, but mostly I try to respect his privacy.

But something happened, something that wasn't funny at all. And I have to write about it, to try to purge some of the awfulness out of my brain.

Sunday night was hard for me. I was thinking about Mom and had a good cry before going to bed, where I tossed and turned for a couple of hours until I finally gave in and got up. So I was awake at 4:00 when Mikey woke up. He didn't say anything so at first I didn't realize something was wrong, but soon he was moaning and groaning a bit and, by 6:00, he was vomiting repeatedly and then he was on the floor writhing in pain.

By 7:30, we were off to the emergency room, stopping along the way so he could lean out of the car and puke some more. Before long, I was sitting in a hospital with someone I love beyond measure, again. With something very wrong with their gallbladder. Again. And he sounded just like Mom did when she cried out in pain. Believe me, I was more than a little freaked out.

Blood was drawn, an IV was started, morphine was administered, and eventually there was an ultrasound done. The doctor told us that Mikey did have some small stones in his gallbladder and was apparently passing one, but he also had a very high white blood cell count that wasn't accounted for by what he saw on the ultrasound. He suspected that it was unrelated and wanted to admit Mikey to run more tests.

Leukemia. Oh, my God, leukemia.

The doctor left to arrange a CAT scan and Mikey was worried about the payroll checks he was supposed to be writing, so he sent me home to grab the checkbook. I didn't give a crap about payroll checks, somebody else could write them, but I was glad for an excuse to get out of there for a few minutes. I sobbed all the way home and prayed hard. Please, please, please, oh, please...

At home, I googled "high white count" and the Mayo Clinic's page listed 18 reasons for an elevated count; six of those were various forms of leukemia. All I could think was that I was going to lose my husband, and if that happened -- well, you might as well dig a hole big enough to bury both of us because there's not enough left of me to survive another loss of that magnitude.

Back at the hospital, the doctor told us the CAT scan didn't turn up anything out of the ordinary -- I suspect he was looking at Mikey's lymph nodes and spleen -- and that he could keep his gallbladder for now because the stones were so small. And so, after a dose of IV antibiotic, he released Mikey with prescriptions for pain pills and something that might dissolve the stones, as well as instructions for a low-fat, low-cholesteral, high-fiber diet to follow from now on because Mikey is a "stonemaker."

Kind of anti-climactic after all that, but I didn't argue. I was sleep-deprived and emotionally drained and so ready to go home after eight hours in the ER. There is a follow-up appointment scheduled and I presume the doctor will check the white cell count again and decide if there is any further cause for concern. And so we went home and slept off and on throughout the rest of the day and night.

This morning Mikey was still in some pain but eventually went off to work, promising he wouldn't stay very long. Meanwhile, I'm scouring the Internet for advice and recipes, trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to feed him now.

Just my luck, I went grocery shopping Friday and blew two hundred bucks on all the wrong foods. Gah.

Mama Bear

2011-10-14T12:46:00.005-05:00

Last night I took Britt to a "Children Reading to Dogs" event at our local library. We got there a little early to pick out new books to bring home and then sat at a table where she worked on a craft while waiting for things to start. Another woman and her daughter, maybe 10 or so, sat at the table with us, the daughter's nose buried in a book.

It was all going so well until, eying our stack of easy readers, the other woman asked Britt how old she was. "Seven," she answered, and I instantly felt the waves of smug disapproval rolling off Mrs. Judgy McJudgerson over there. "Well, she just turned seven. She's only in first grade." I spoke nicely but inside -- oh, man, I was seething. She had just poked a stick at the Mama Bear in me. How dare she judge my cub? She has no idea what an amazing kid Britt is. Sure, maybe I could have worked with her and had her reading sooner, but her teacher says she's right on track and doing well, so where's the problem?

Once you become a mom, you do run up against these women occasionally -- the super-anal, uptight uber-moms with very rigid ideas about the right way to raise children. You and your kid(s) will inevitably fail to measure up. And I'm sure this particular woman homeschools her kid and that she was reading by age 3 and a McDonald's french fry has never passed her lips and they don't even own a TV set. Fine for them, but that's not us. Their ways are different, not necessarily better or worse. Just different.

Britt does not lack supervision or intellectual stimulation. I have always read to her. She has an insatiable curiosity and I try to answer all her questions and, if I don't know, then we look it up together. We go to museums and find other educational activities around town. We provide her with all the tools and resources and encouragement she needs to explore her interests. No, she isn't taking soccer and piano lessons and ballet and gymnastics, but I don't want her to be an over-scheduled neurotic mess. (I had planned to sign her up for soccer this term but it didn't feel like the right time and, as it turned out, it wasn't. I could not have coped with a soccer schedule dictating when I could make the two-hour trip to visit my dying mother.)

I've already raised two kids (as a single mom) who turned out to be independent, self-supporting adults. No prison records, no drug problems, no welfare checks. They are bright, delightful people following their own paths and I'm very proud of them. And I have faith in Britt's intelligence and creativity and initiative and have no doubt that she will turn out just as well. I won't raise her to be an over-achiever, because she doesn't need a Harvard MBA to be happy. If she lives a normal lifespan, God willing, she will have many, many years to be an adult, but childhood is so fleeting and I'm content to let her be a happy-go-lucky kid as long as she can. Maybe I baby her too much but -- so what?

Anyway, one of the library ladies came over and asked Judgy's daughter if she wanted to do the craft, which consisted of coloring a birthday cake and decorating a party hat because they were celebrating the 16th birthday of one of the dogs. The girl answered, "No thank you. We don't observe birthdays in our home." WHAT?! Now it was my turn to be Mrs. Judgy McJudgerson. What the hell, woman? You can't spare one day a year to celebrate the life of your child? No parties? No presents? No cake? WHAT KIND OF TWISTED CRAP IS THAT?

******

This morning I took Britt to the pediatrician for her 7-year checkup, which went pretty well -- except that she failed her vision test and failed to provide a urine sample even though I spent 15 minutes crouching next to her with my arm in the toilet holding the cup and she wouldn't get on the examining table so her exam took place on the bench and it took three of us to hold her down while she SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER as she got her flu shot. Before we left, the doctor put her hand on my shoulder and whispered to me, "You baby her too much, Grandma. Stop it!"

(***sigh***)

Mom's Dying

2011-09-27T02:24:00.006-05:00

I have a wall of deniability up; that's what gets me through this. I can almost convince myself that Mom isn't really going to go; that visiting her in the hospital is what life is going to be now. Of course I know that's not true, but it's how I cope. The wall teeters occasionally, but I don't want to be a blubbering mess right now. I just want to be here. There will be all the time in the world to fall apart after. I'm not ready to be in that place yet.

It's 2:15 am and Mom is dying. It will be very soon, but when exactly no one can say. Her physical self lies here in this hospital room, struggling for every breath, fighting so hard against the pull of death. But the Mom we know is gone. We will never see her on this earth again.

The room is always crowded; there is a shortage of seats. We talk over her, around her. We think she can hear us -- our voices, if not our words. We share memories and catch up on family news and flip through family albums. Sometimes we whisper in her ear, those last things we need to say. We kiss her forehead, her cheek; we hold her hand, or her foot if that's all we can reach. There is nothing more we can do for her, but be here.

I'm baaaaack!

2011-09-22T15:28:00.004-05:00

Two and a half years later, I have overcome my Facebook addiction and I'm wondering why the hell I ever quit blogging in the first place. There will be no retrospective of the missing years because nobody but my family reads this thing and you guys already know the highlights anyway. More or less.

So, Britt's two front teeth have been wiggly all summer and one of them is FINALLY hanging by a thread. Like it would totally pop right out if I could just get a good grip on it, which I can't because it's so small and slippery. She won't let me tie a string around it either. Papa also gave it a try last night but had no more success than I did, so we all subsided and headed off to bed. At which point Britt started hollering that IT WAS COMING OUT! RIGHT NOW!!! And so we convened in the bathroom:

Alas, it was a false alarm. But all was not lost, because Britt then treated us to a demonstration of how she talks in her sleep:

***snore***
picklepicklepicklepickle
***snore***
picklepicklepicklepickle...

I'm melting! Melting! Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world...

2009-05-03T02:21:00.002-05:00

Walked into the bathroom last night and saw this:

It cracked me up.

Britt quote of the day: "Kids are not people. They're just kids and stuff."

Britt's Posse

2009-04-30T14:02:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. Facebook ate my life.

There are no little girls on our street, so Britt's only playmates are three little boys who live at the end of the cul-de-sac:

On a recent Saturday, she rode hard with her posse,

then she sat next to me to catch her breath.

She got mad at me for taking pictures,

so she tried to ignore me.

Then she stole my drink,

and then she burped really loud.

I laughed,

so she got embarrassed.

Then she got her own drink.

And then she shot some baskets.

Then she... well, her dribbling still needs work.

Easter Hunny

2009-04-18T23:48:00.002-05:00

Easter proofs are in

2009-03-31T21:08:00.006-05:00

The usual disclaimers apply: the finished prints will look much better, the color is off, and my scanner is an utterly beshitted pile o' crap. Orders have to be turned in Thursday so make your picks and let me know ASAP.

I love this one from the shoulders down:

I should've done something special with her hair.

Little cutie.

She gets one picture with the rabbit and she's got her hand clamped over it eyes:

Getting so big!

Expelled

2009-03-19T13:31:00.004-05:00

After a long hiatus ~~because it's frickin' cold in the winter~~, I signed Britt up for more classes at the zoo. Which thrilled Britt to no end, because the zoo is the most wonderful, fantastical, magical place in the whole wide world.

Our first class was February 28, except that, um, somebody forgot to set the alarm and woke up at the very moment Britt should have been stepping into the classroom. That somebody was very unhappy with herself, first for screwing up something that would have made Britt unbelievably, deliriously happy and, secondly, because that somebody had to break the tragic news to her.

And so, yesterday, somebody got a second chance to make Britt unbelievably, deliriously happy, because that certain somebody had signed her up for a day camp at the zoo. A day camp at which she would get to help mix treats for the animals. Britt had been looking forward to this event for weeks with almost unbearable anticipation.

This special day finally arrived and that certain somebody was up at the crack of dawn to make absolutely certain there would be no oversleeping on this most important of days. And, finally, Britt was safely delivered unto the day camp and that certain somebody was heading off on a rare shopping trip in an attempt to augment her sadly diminished wardrobe.

And then somebody's cell phone rang. But somebody did not recognize the number and so at first ignored it. Then it rang again. This time somebody answered it. And then somebody took the next exit off the highway in order to turn around and go pick up Britt from day camp at the zoo.

Because she had vomited in class and was waiting for me in the office.

I rushed back to the zoo, screeched to a halt in a 15-minute parking space and ran inside, where I found a very forlorn little girl waiting for me. I felt her head, trying to figure out what was wrong, when it suddenly occurred to me. I had taken her to the doctor the day before because she had some boils on her little booty and on her leg, and I had given her a dose of the prescribed antibiotic just before we left the house. On an empty stomach. Because they always serve snacks first thing at zoo classes, I hadn't bothered to give her so much as a piece of toast.

Fail!

As a consolation prize, since she wasn't actually sick sick, I decided to take her to see some animals. She chose to go to the Aquaticus first, so we went and looked at all the fishies and watched the seals for a while, and then we took off toward the playground and the carousel, looking at an anteater and some meercats along the way. Britt rode the carousel twice:

and we had just bought a token for the kiddie train when I suddenly realized I had parked in a 15-minute parking space.

Epic fail!

With visions of tow trucks and parking tickets whirling in my head, I grabbed Britt and made a lung-busting sprint for the parking lot, where I found the car sitting blissfully untowed and unticketed just as I had left it. I then drove a very sad little girl home.

Our next class is Saturday, March 28, aptly entitled "Going Batty." Pray for us.

How much of a homebody am I?

2009-03-17T09:09:00.001-05:00

I'll tell you how much: I've had my new car for ten days and have put exactly 18.6 miles on it.

Guess what's sitting in my driveway

2009-03-08T14:15:00.003-05:00

My Funny Valentine

2009-03-07T12:00:00.001-06:00

Miss Lily (and her mom) came to visit us on Valentine's Day weekend. Unfortunately, I was a terrible hostess; I meant to take them out to lunch and do a little shopping, but pretty much stayed glued to the couch the whole time. Sorry, Jess! Hopefully I'll be feeling better next time.

Anyway, Lily is almost able to sit up now:

And she's fattening up nicely:

Brittany read her some Curious George:

She thought he was pretty funny:

Aunt Bridgie came over to see her:

There was a brief storm:

But it quickly blew over:

And we all lived happily ever after. Until it was time for them to leave, anyway.

Idiotic manufacturers of children's holiday items strike again

2009-02-13T10:07:00.005-06:00

Remember the scandalous Halloween costume?

I was getting Britt's Littlest Pet Shop-themed Valentine cards ready for the party at school today when I saw this:

Uhhhh, no. No way.

I'm alive, barely...

2009-02-10T23:25:00.003-06:00

I've been really, really sick the past two weeks. Of course, it wasn't until after I took Britt to see a doctor last weekend that it occurred to me that it wasn't just a bad cold or maybe the flu that I had, but a major sinus infection (which also led to an ear infection and a horrendous case of bronchitis) that could be quickly cleared up with some antibiotics and I could have easily (and should have) signed myself in to see the doctor too. But I was too muddle-headed that day and then I didn't feel like going back, so I toughed it out and it damn near killed me.

As a result, my house is looking pretty wrecktacular right now. I was looking around at the accumulated debris today, trying to figure out where to start while trying desperately not to cry, when I saw this, mocking me:

I took the hint, and went back to bed.

Yes, I've been totally slacking, blogwise

2009-01-31T23:53:00.002-06:00

Sorry, but I've been busy. Also, sick. Like hacking, wheezing, passed out, gallons of mucus, sweating out a fever sick.

The busy part was scouring the internet for album cover art. Because if I don't have album cover art for a particular song, it shows an ugly blank page when it plays on my iPhone. And that just... bugs me. But I found almost all of them, and since most of the music I listen to is at least thirty years old, that was quite a feat!

BTW, I've discovered that a lot of music is fine to listen to as background noise on iTunes while I'm reading stuff online, but when it's being drilled directly into my head via earbuds... eh, not so much. So I've been ruthlessly deleting songs from my playlist. Over 400 gone out of about three thousand so far.

Yes, fascinating, I know. Moving on...

Britt hasn't been sick, but she does have a nasty paronychia on her index finger. I took her to the minor emergency center today to have it lanced and get some antibiotics, and she was very brave.

In other news, it was really cold and icy here last week. By the time the weather finally warmed up a little, Britt was suffering from cabin fever and itching to go outside and play. But first she tried to scrub some "pisgusting stuff" off her "gwubs."

And then she put them on all by herself first the first time ever! With her fingers in all the right spaces and everything!

So proud!

The other day I fixed her a hot dog for dinner while she danced around my feet singing something about "fishy dog, fishy dog." I told her nope, there's no fish in it. And then she stood stock still as a more disturbing possibility occurred to her. With big eyes, she asked, "Is it... from a dog?"

And then I died. The end.

Holiday Hangover

2009-01-12T11:55:00.002-06:00

I'm still feeling depleted from all the stress of the holidays, but I figured I ought to let y'all know I'm still alive since NOT ONE OF YOU HAS BOTHERED TO CALL ME ON MY NEW iPHONE!

Gah.

Anyway, the very best present I got for Christmas this year was being able to spend a few all-too-short hours with this precious little nubbin:

Our marathon began on Christmas Eve at home,

and then we went over to Candy's where we had snacks and watched the kids open their gifts from her, and Britt made a new friend:

On Christmas Day we were off to the in-laws'. But not quickly enough to suit Miss B, who was saying, "Let's go. NOW."

Because she knew lots more presents awaited her there:

And then we had a couple of days off before heading to Tahlequah to see Baby Sister and Daddy and the rest of the family. And to open more presents!

And to help Baby Sister open hers:

Baby Sister was less than impressed.

She was adorable, though:

Britt spent most of her time outside

playing with her cousins,

while the rest of us stayed inside, soaking up baby sweetness:

Before we all went our separate ways I tried to take a group portrait of Daddy and his girls, but Britt wasn't being very cooperative. This was the best I could get:

Oh, well, they're still a bunch of cuties.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T01:41:00.004-06:00

We rang in the new year with two bottles of Moët et Chandon Imperial Nectar and an Absolutely Fabulous marathon. Britt, of course, decided that tonight of all nights she would stay up until 1:30 AM, so the new year has not yet been properly, um, inaugurated. Enough said about that.

Cheers!

Boy, did she love the bubbly!

Oh, chill. Hers was just ginger ale.

Change of plans

2008-12-26T22:40:00.006-06:00

Y'all know how I hate talking on the phone, right? I'm so phonophobic that I have long planned on being the last person in North America to own a cell phone. I hardly ever answer the phone at home, so why on earth would I ever carry one of those damned contraptions around with me?

Anyway, I asked for an iPod for Christmas, and Santa brought me this:

Aw, jeez. Don't tell anybody, okay? Because they might call me. Or, even worse, text me.

I'm telling you all now: I will not text. I refuse. Don't even try it. I will not text you back.

There is one thing I like about my iPhone: I downloaded all my music on it so now it's like an iPod. I tucked it securely into my undies and happily danced to everything from the Jackson 5 to Stevie Ray Vaughan while baking cookies at 3:00 yesterday morning.

What? Well, what was I supposed to do? I didn't have any pockets!

But now I know you'll keep your hands off my iPhone.

Visitors

2008-12-24T13:35:00.004-06:00

The Christmas party at Britt's school was last Friday. She posed for me with her friend Tynli:

And then... who's that at the door?

Could it be...?

It was!

Britt waited patiently for her turn to sit on Santa's lap:

She was so nervous she forgot to tell him she wants a swimming puppy:

But I think he'll bring her one anyway.

Britt's other grandpa came to see her this weekend, bringing Christmas gifts:

And then we finally put the tree up, and let Britt decorate it:

She did such a good job. Except for the cluster of red balls at the front. We call them "holly berries."

Sarah came by yesterday with her new boyfriend, but without the baby. He was... somewhere. She brought lots of gifts, including the one Mikey told her not to get because he already bought it, so he's off returning it right now. I "forgot" to take any pictures, but I did remember to hide the toothbrushes so she couldn't swish them through the toilet water.

And now we're ready for Santa! Woo-hoo!

Britt's Christmas Gift Guide

2008-12-11T23:56:00.002-06:00

Britt was "helping" Mikey put up Christmas lights this weekend; she came running in from the garage to tell me, "Our Christmas decorations are in the attic! It's like a basement!"

She's very excited about Christmas this year. Actually, she's decided she wants a Halloween Christmas. And a Halloween birthday. Every day should be Halloween, as far as she concerned.

So, what does Britt want for Christmas? Aside from every toy advertised on TV, here are a few items she's let slip lately:

"I want wots and wots of books for Christmas! Santa's making them! He's painting and painting and painting!"

"I want some skating shoes. You get 'em at the skating shoe store."

"I want a gardening set for Christmas."
"A gardening set?"
"Uh-huh, for outside."
"What are you gonna plant?"
"Some cheese!"

Anyway, books are always a great gift. We get books from the library every week and it breaks her heart when we have to take them back. Her favorite stories feature animals, like this or this or this. Dr. Seuss is always good; she doesn't have this one or this one or this one yet.

I'm getting her the Tag Reading System, so any of the books that go along with that would be great. She got a Leapster 2 for her birthday and she already has several of the Pre-K games (Pet Pals, Creature Creator, Backyardigans and Diego). Any other Pre-K or Kindergarten-level games would be cool.

She loves stuffed animals, and comes up with the most creative names for them: Teddy the bear (her dearest friend), Parry the parrot, Rabby the rabbit, Pengwy the penguin, Giraffy the giraffe. Go for less common animals, like a llama or a rhino and you'll probably find something she doesn't have already.

She's been asking for Barbies lately. Mikey went shopping the other night and accidentally pulled one of her Christmas gifts out of the bag right in front of her. Britt was delighted with her new Ballerina Barbie and promptly named her Ballareeny. She's also asking for Peekaboo Barbies; she doesn't have any of those yet.

She could use some new bath toys. Something like this, maybe, or this. And I could use one of these.

She needs more long-sleeved tops and pants for school, but she already has more dressy outfits than she can use. She wears a size 5T and shoe size 10. She has a Hello Kitty umbrella but no raincoat or galoshes. If you go that route, go a size bigger so she can wear them next year, too.

And that's all I can think of right now.

Oh, wait -- I just remembered one more thing Britt told me she wants for Christmas.

An x-ray machine.

Wow, that was quick!

2008-12-04T23:58:00.002-06:00

Britt just had her school pictures taken on Tuesday, and we already got the proofs back.

Only tonight did I realize the full suckitude of my scanner. The proof quality isn't that bad, but these scanned images are pretty horrible. I fiddled with different settings but nothing helped, so I'm just telling you that the final pictures will look much better than these do.

So much clutter in this picture. Where's Brittany? Oh, there she is!

This one's cute except her bangs are messed up:

Someone finally stepped in and fixed her bangs and I'm wondering why that didn't happen before the other two shots were taken. Anyway, this is my favorite:

I don't like this one. Cute idea, but not a flattering picture. Her hair looks weird and her face is all scrunched on one side. And what is that in the background? Fungus?

Anyway, let me know how many of which ones you want, because I have to get the order figured out and turned in by Tuesday.

Crafty Kid

2008-11-30T00:30:00.009-06:00

Britt came through the office and started digging through her basket of craft supplies. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Looking for clues!" she replied.

Then she thrust a handful of pipecleaners in my face and asked what they were. I told her they were pipecleaners. "Uh-uh," she said, "they're buckaroos!"

She took off with sheets of construction paper, googly eyes and other assorted items, then came back and started digging again. "Now what are you doing?" "I'm looking for more clues!"

Clues? Buckaroos? Beats the hell outta me.

*****

She came hopping in from the backyard, pointed somewhere near her ankle and wailed, "I broke my bone! It very hurts!" "Your bone? You mean your foot?" "No, right here!" "You broke your leg?" "No, here!" "You broke your ankle?" "No, I broke my bone!" "Well, is it still broke?" "No," she said, and hopped back outside again.

*****

She watched me fixing some cheese nuggets for her lunch, and said, "I might need some chopsticks for those." Where she came up with the idea, I have no clue. After that, she started hoarding corndog sticks and using them as makeshift chopsticks -- which basically consists of trying various handholds while occasionally stabbing bits of food so she can shove them into her mouth.

*****

Trying to convince me she needed to take a bath, on a night when she didn't really need to take a bath: "But I'm so stink! I smell like a puppy!"

*****

Today she wandered up and burped at me. She said, "I burpeded. Like a catfish." And then she wandered away again.

*****

It may be time for a refresher course on good manners but, holy crap, this kid cracks me up.

Good News/Bad News

2008-11-29T23:18:00.002-06:00

Good news: I cleaning up my office and found the software CD for the video camera! I can post videos on my blog again!

Bad news: It's Windows-compatible only, and I have a Mac.

Good news: I have Parallels, so I can run Windows programs on my Mac!

Bad news: I installed the video software, and now Parallels won't work. It says there's a problem with the driver.

So now I have to reinstall the driver. Which means I have to find my Parallels software. Somewhere. Wherever it got off to.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Unpleasant Realities

2008-11-19T15:27:00.007-06:00

As soon as the weather turned cold, our garage was invaded by mice. Mikey went and bought a set of four mousetraps, which were duly baited with Velveeta and set out at strategic points around the garage.

Mikey disposed of the first two victims by winding an entire roll of paper towels around each hand, then carefully picking up the mousetrap and dropping the whole thing -- mouse and trap -- into the trash. The next two mice were caught while he was at work the next day. I released their tiny corpses into the trash can, then rebaited the traps and set them out again. And promptly caught two more mice, which I disposed of in the same manner.

When Mikey came home from work, I reported our tally of six dead mice so far. Smart guy that he is, he quickly worked out the math: 4 traps + 6 dead mice = he wasn't eating any food prepared by my contaminated hands, so I got out of cooking dinner that night. Wheee!

Anyway, the two remaining traps sat in the garage, rebaited but untripped, for the past three or four weeks -- until two days ago.

Now, Britt is not allowed in the garage because it defeats the whole purpose of smoking out there, which is to keep the smoke away from her, and also because it's a few minutes of blessed peace. But, once she learned how to open the door, she kept trying to come and hang out with us in the smoke hole -- until Mikey convinced her there were snakes in the garage. Since then her garage visiting has been limited to popping her head out the door and attempting to carry on conversations until she gets yelled at to shut the door.

And so, two days ago, she popped her head out and spotted a dead mouse in the trap by the door. In her little world, mice are cute cartoon creatures named Jerry and Mickey, and she obviously had trouble reconciling what she saw since she's been chattering about it nonstop ever since. "He has a tail. Did you see his tail?" "The trap got him? Did it get him?" "He died dead! The trap killed him?" "He ate the cheese and the trap went like this!" (making trap-snapping motion with her hands).

Last night I was fixin' to fry up some steaks for dinner when Britt came ambling over. Seeing the steaks, she yelled, "Eeeew! Fish! I don't like fish!" I explained to her that it wasn't fish, it was beef, and she asked "What's beef?" So I said, "It comes from a cow." And immediately kicked myself, because I wasn't ready to go there. "A cow?" she said doubtfully. She stood there thinking and then said, "A cow is made of those?" "Uhhhhmmmm...." said I, because cows are still cute cartoon creatures in her little world. Finally, she figured out the answer. "His body musta broke." And then she wandered off and left me trying to stifle a fit of laughter.

Anyway, the mouse is still out there in the trap. (Perhaps this is why Britt keeps talking about it? Ya think?) I must've caught the contamination oogies from Mikey because we're outwaiting each other to see who will give in first and throw it out. Mercifully, it's been cold out so it hasn't started to stink yet. But I ain't touching the damned thing.

Baby Lily

2008-11-07T11:17:00.000-06:00

Just cute as a button!

I could nibble on those sweet little drumsticks all day long!

I Ba-Rocked the vote today!

2008-11-04T14:33:00.001-06:00

So did Bridgie.

Did you?

Pretty Kitty

2008-11-01T23:04:00.002-05:00

Okay, I slacked off and didn't take a whole lot of pictures last night. Sue me. I'm old and it's like six miles between houses that have their porch lights on and I told Mikey we're driving instead of walking next Halloween.

I took two pictures, to be exact:

Britt got spooked by this motion-activated dude; she just stood there staring at him until I finally told her to move it along.

Anyway, we're headed to Wichita to see Baby Lily in the morning and, since there won't be any hiking involved, I promise to take lots and lots of pictures.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T11:29:00.003-05:00

This is Britt's costume:

Can you tell what she's supposed to be?

She was so excited, she did a little dance for me:

Okay, just kidding. That was stuff she picked out of the winter clothes bag. She thought she looked great.

Actually, she's going to be a kittycat this year. Well, she wanted to be a caterpillar, but I searched high and low and couldn't find a caterpillar costume anywhere. So she decided to be a kittycat instead:

This was after the Halloween party at school, so most of her whiskers are rubbed off. But do you see the pink feathers around the neckline? Yes, that is the neckline; I had to add the turtleneck underneath because it was so low-cut. I was pissed when I first put it on her! This is how they design costumes for a four-year-old? Also, it was very short, so I made her wear the pants, too.

And then she noticed...

that we had a scary new Halloween decoration:

Ack! That sucker's huge! Like three inches long! At least!

Anyway, Britt will be trick-or-treating tonight, so stayed tuned for more pictures tomorrow.

Blast from the Past

2008-10-16T23:17:00.001-05:00

I dialed up my old YouTube account last night and watched the three videos that I managed to upload in 2006 before Bridgie came over and installed her Kodak software on my computer, which caused my software to no longer recognize my video camera. *

Anyway, there was one video I'd uploaded but never posted on here. So, here's our little rock chick when she was about 20 months old:

The part where she imitates Robert Plant's wails just slays me.

* Since I got my new computer, I haven't been able find my video software CD. I checked the Sony website to see if I could download it from there, but they wanted sixty or seventy bucks for it. So, if you're wondering why I never post videos anymore, that's why.

Back to the Barnyard

2008-10-13T13:09:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was our third annual trip to Chester's Pumpkin Patch. And I took lots of pictures, of course, because it's fun to see her doing the same things at one-year intervals. This was our first trip, when she was two, and here's last year's trip, when she was three.

Another milestone

2008-10-06T23:35:00.002-05:00

Britt informed me today that she doesn't need her potty seat anymore. "It's for babies," she says.

(***high five***)

Although it was pretty darn cute when we'd be fixin' to go somewhere and she'd present herself with the potty seat slung over her shoulder and announce, "I'm ready!" Sadly, I never got that on video.

It runs in the family

2008-10-04T01:19:00.003-05:00

"Just sittin' here, minding my own business..."

"Aw, man! Here comes Grammy with her camera again."

"No pictures! I said NO PICTURES!"

(***sigh***)

Giving me the hand already, just like her sister.

Isn't she pretty?

2008-10-03T12:15:00.005-05:00

Both of my grandbabies are such beautiful little girls.

Road Trippin'

2008-10-01T23:54:00.003-05:00

I took Jessica and the girls out to lunch before leaving Wichita this afternoon; Britt scored a balloon as we left the restaurant.

While driving home to OKC, I heard her say, "My beyoon! I'm going to call you Beyoony! You're my very best friend for ever and ever! You're stupendous!"

I almost drove right off the road. Our little genius used a three-syllable word in appropriate context! When she can't even pronounce "balloon"!

Then she slept for most of the trip home and, when she woke up, she found that Beyoony had lost most of his air. She said, "Oh, Beyoony. You are not my friend anymore. I'm going to pop you!"

And so she did.

And then -- well, have you seen the U-Haul trucks that have the big green spider painted on the side? After we passed one on the highway, she twisted around in her seat and yelled, "You'll never catch us, Spider Truck!"

Seriously, y'all, with entertainment like that emanating from my back seat, what do I need a car stereo for?

Guess Who's Here!

2008-09-29T20:25:00.002-05:00

Liliana Jean-Jane arrived at 11:16 last night, all 6 pounds and 14 ounces of her. She's healthy, she's beautiful, she's perfect in every way, and I'm over the moon!

P.S. She really was born last night, not in 2007. Bob needs to fix the date on his camera.

Big Weekend

2008-09-27T22:36:00.000-05:00

We went to Kayla's 7th birthday party today, at a place that is not Chuck E. Cheese's but is like Chuck E. Cheese's on steroids. Oh, yay.

First, there were party favors and pizza:

Then there was cake:

And then it was time to play.

Britt played a round of golf:

And rode some stuff:

And played lots of games:

And found a dinosaur dispensing goodies:

She was surprisingly good at shooting baskets:

But not quite as good at air hockey:

But bowling was totally her favorite:

Then, after a spin around the racetrack,

we traded the 558 tickets she had won for a stamp set, a dinosaur and a crocodile and got the hell out of there. At 8:15. The party had started at 4:30.

Aaargh, exhausted. (And I haven't even mentioned the drama. Oh, yes, there was drama. But I can't talk about it right now; I still have a million things to do tonight.)

Alas, there was no rest for the weary. We haven't gotten around to buying me a new zipmobile yet, so we drove halfway across the city to rent me a car to drive to Wichita tomorrow morning. But we're finally home and I still have to do laundry and take a shower and pack so we'll be all ready to go.

Because, if everything goes as planned, by this time tomorrow we'll have a brand new baby girl in the family.

Picture this

2008-09-22T13:38:00.005-05:00

It'll be time for school pictures again very soon and, frankly, I'm worried. Britt is a total ham -- until you point a camera at her. It's getting harder and harder to get a good picture lately; if she doesn't turn her head or throw up her hands, she looks at the floor or squinches her eyes shut:

So I took some test shots to see how she might react to a photographer's instructions, such as "look at my finger":

Or "watch at my hand":

Oh, yes, I feel ever so much better now.

(***sigh***)

Happy Birthday, Bridgie!

2008-09-19T13:08:00.004-05:00

Avast, matey! Mommy loves you! Arrr!

(Today is also International Talk Like a Pirate Day.)

Birthday Girl

2008-09-07T20:48:00.002-05:00

I'm not fully recovered from all the excitement yet, so I'm throwing these pictures up here with minimal commentary.

There should be pictures of the Happy Birthday Singing/Blowing Out Candles ceremony here, but I was busy with the video camera. Bridgie, you need to bring your camera over in the next day or two so I can see what pictures you got.

Hmm, it looks like someone else around here is not fully recovered yet either:

OMG I'm so glad it's over

2008-09-06T23:48:00.002-05:00

Burgers, cake, lots of fun, and way too many people crammed into my house. Lots of presents. Very happy little girl. The veneer on my left lateral incisor went all wobbly. And my dog set herself on fire.

Sher, you missed a helluva party.

Pictures tomorrow, maybe. As soon as I get fresh batteries for the camera.

Pre-K Fever

2008-09-03T00:15:00.005-05:00

Bethany is currently enrolling kids for Pre-K for NEXT year. They have 80 spots available. People are CAMPING OUT at the school right now -- IN THE RAIN -- to be one of the first 80. Mikey is one of them.

Jeez.

We talked about sending Britt to private school but the cost per year is about the price of a small car, so I thought she would go to the elementary school about a mile from our house. It's a perfectly nice school in a perfectly nice neighborhood and I could be there in five minutes if she got sick or hurt. We never talked about Bethany.

But Candy called Sunday night and told him about the enrollment this week, and he's been a man possessed ever since. He's so consumed by it he can think of nothing else. I can't even get him to help me plan Britt's birthday party this weekend.

Anyway, Andrea camped out over there last night and put Carlee and Brittany on the list. We're #26. So if there's a list, why is camping out for another night necessary? Mikey cannot explain this to me; he's just doing what he was told. So he's over there with a lawn chair and a blanket and a book, and we're supposed to go meet him at 8AM with all our papers to do the actual enrolling.

And, you know what?

He never even asked me if I wanted to send her to Bethany.

This is some majorly crazy shit, man.

UPDATE: Mikey called at 6AM and said they were going to start enrolling between 7:00 and 7:30, so we got dressed and went up there. Cops and news photographers everywhere; apparently there was quite a tussle over line-cutting or something two years ago.

Anyway, the deed is done; acceptance/denial letters go out in May.

I hate say I told you so but...

2008-09-01T23:37:00.000-05:00

Sorry, Jess. It looks like the September trend is going to hold.

School Daze

2008-08-31T23:07:00.004-05:00

What with all the excitement the past couple of weeks, I forgot to mention that Britt started back to school this month.

She graciously agreed to pose for a first-day-of-school photo while Poppa shopped for the school supplies we forgot to buy until the last minute:

Isn't she getting big? I think she's totally outgrown that car seat.

Sadly, I've fallen out of the habit of taking loads of pictures of her all the time, mostly because most of them look something like this:

Britt's classroom is the last door on the right. You see that tall dark figure hovering? You'll never guess who that is:

Why, it's Mr. Anxiety, of course! He does that for at least five minutes every time we drop her off. And then, on the way home, he'll describe everything she's wearing that day, and he'll ask me at least twice if she's in her classroom. We didn't leave her wandering the halls, right?

(***sigh***)

That's what I get for bitchin'

2008-08-30T11:18:00.002-05:00

Since unloading all my troubles in that last post, I've been knocked flat by the flu. Four solid days of severe respiratory issues and intense physical pain.

I woke up this morning feeling for the first time like I might actually survive. Then I looked around at the dirty dishes, dirty laundry, dirty floors, and books and toys littering every surface of my home and felt pain of a different sort.

(***sigh***)

I guess I'd better get busy.

Brokedown Palace

2008-08-24T23:29:00.002-05:00

I've got too much stuff piling up on me, so I've been in an uncommunicative mood lately.

I don't even feel like going on vacation now. We can't go until after Labor Day weekend, and then Britt's birthday party is the weekend after that and then we'll be deep into September, and I want to be ready to run to Wichita when my new grandbaby is born. So, hell, I dunno if we're going anywhere this year or not.

My kitchen was torn up for a month because we had ants, which totally sent Mikey over the edge. We tried ant bait first and, when that didn't work, he made me search on the computer for Rid-X or whatever that bug-repelling contraption is called that you plug into an electrical outlet, because this has been a banner years for all kinds of bugs in the house -- crickets, spiders, beetles, etc. I tried various URLs, including ridex.com (don't go there; I screamed and punched Mikey in the arm for causing me to see alien peen), before I finally googled it and found a page of complaints about it. A total scam.

So, he dropped that idea and took everything out of the cabinets and piled it on the table, and then he sprayed and sprayed and sprayed. Then he cleaned out the cabinets with Clorox and ripped out the old shelf paper and Cloroxed them again. This whole process took several weeks. Imagine my joy, trying to cook amidst all that chaos.

Finally, he got the new shelf paper in and we put everything back in the cabinets and, guess what?

More ants.

Shit the bed.

While all this was going on, the flapper thing in the toilet tank broke, so we had to reach an arm in and flip it up to flush. And my kitchen faucet -- that was replaced just two years ago -- started making noises like a foghorn when the hot and cold water are turned on at the same time. And we're using a wrench again to turn on the cold water in the bathtub because the damned metal-colored plastic knob broke again for the -- well, I've lost count. We've replaced it too many times since we've lived here. And my garbage disposal quit and Mikey wouldn't get me a new one because we were going to remodel the kitchen any day now and we'd just take care of it all at the same time. That was in October of 2006 and I've had to keep a mini toilet plunger next to the sink ever since.

So, I got a bit shrill about all that and Mikey finally called his plumber buddy to come over and fix us up. He fixed the toilet and said we need a new faucet for the kitchen sink, which he didn't happen to have on him, but the most amazing thing happened: I finally have a new garbage disposal! Sweet Lord Jesus, I didn't think I'd live to see the day! I was so excited that I forgot to remind him about the bathtub knob, so that's still broken, and the kitchen faucet still sounds horrible but, hot damn! I have a new garbage disposal!

Anyway, I seem to have developed plantar fasciitis. You know how it feels when you poke a sore that's infected? That's how the soles of my feet feel, so I've been hobbling around for weeks and popping Advil. I probably ought to go see a doctor, but I haven't been to one since the gimpy hip cleared up, which was in 2005, and I don't feel like going to see one now. My old doctor that I loved retired and finding a new one is such a major pain in the ass. I'm just not up to it at the moment.

Dang, I just realized that it's been more than six years since I've had a female checkup. I don't feel like doing that either.

And my damn glasses broke. I can still wear them, gingerly, but now I can't even sneak a quick trip to the library without putting my contacts on. And I'm on my last pair of disposable contacts and my prescription is too old to order more so I need to go to the eye doctor, but I don't feel like doing that, either.

My teeth need attention too, but the last dentist I went to traumatized me so bad that I have a phobia now.

And then, for the cherry on top, my trusty zipmobile is finally starting to go to pieces. The muffler apparently bit the dust because it sounds like one of those little MGs when I drive it, and the radio is stuck on 107.7 -- none of the other buttons work, not even the Seek button. Poor thing is 13 years old, so I guess I've gotten my money's worth out of it. It's been the best, most reliable car ever. But, guess what?

Mikey's dad gave him the red truck, so we had already planned on trading in both cars and buying me a brand new zipmobile by the end of the year, because I'm going to need something more reliable to drive back and forth to Wichita whenever I go see Lily. The Honda year-end thing ends September 2, so we've been going through all our papers today, looking for the titles.

Anyway, I've been pretty bummed lately, is what I'm saying, and that's why nobody's heard much from me.

Hurry up and wait

2008-08-05T16:39:00.005-05:00

Well, shit the bed. Our vacation's been postponed.

Of course it has.

The OKC trade show just wrapped up, next weekend is the Vegas trade show and there's another one in Mississippi the next weekend, leaving the store short-handed. After they're over, then we can finally go on vacation. After Britt starts back to school.

But we are going. If I have to knock Mikey over the head and tie him up and load him into the truck, we are going.

So I've been studying our lodging choices. Mikey and I both fell in love with this one, until we noticed that it's 20 minutes outside of town. After wading through hundreds of abominations that haven't been redecorated since 1985, I finally narrowed it down to a few possibilities like this one. Or this one. No, wait -- I like this one better. I think.

Anyway, Britt drew us a lovely map to help us find our way:

She's such a good helper.

"Froggie wikes me!"

2008-08-01T13:23:00.001-05:00

Fifteen years of (mostly) bliss

2008-07-27T14:27:00.006-05:00

Mikey and I celebrated the 15th anniversary of our first date yesterday, which also happened to be our 11th wedding anniversary.

The three of us went out for insanely expensive steak dinner at the Deep Fork and, on the way home, Mikey groaned that his belly was too full. "Me, too," I said. Then, from the back seat, piped up a sweet little voice, "Me, three!" Which is not ordinarily all that funny, but it was the first time we'd ever heard Britt say it, and in proper context, too! So, we died.

Back at home, we cracked open our semi-annual bottle of Moët and Britt toasted us with chocolate milk. And then she demanded that we show her how to do armpit farts. Unfortunately, neither Mikey nor I ever mastered that particular skill so, after much flailing about like broken-winged chickens, we decided that her daddy will have to be the one to teach her.

And that's how we spent our anniversary. Nothing terribly exciting, but we had fun.

What a trip

2008-07-21T00:53:00.004-05:00

We're going on vacation! Finally!

Our long-planned trip to Chicago has been somewhat abbreviated, though. You know, gas prices and all that. Whatever.

Anyway, we're going to...

(drumroll, please)

Branson.

Yee-hawwww!!!

Yeah, I know. Cornball City. But we haven't had a vacation since Britt was born, so I'm excited to be going anywhere. If Branson is the best I can get, I'll take it. Britt's really excited, too, but she still doesn't have a good grasp on the concept of time. She thinks we're going on "bacation" today, right now, "in two minutes!" (holding up two fingers).

Mostly we'll be taking Britt to Silver Dollar City and Celebration City on a three-day City Hopper pass. Mikey found a Beatles tribute show that's supposed to be really good. And there's a zoo up the road at Springfield and a drive-through wildlife park somewhere around there. Hopefully, that will be enough keep us busy, because there isn't a whole lot else I could find that sounds very interesting.

Of course, Mikey won't agree to take a full seven days off because the store just can't do without him, but I did manage to bump him up from three days to four. I'm still working on him for five.

The biggest problem, though, is that his OCD is off the charts right now. He's having serious cleanliness issues. If you haven't been around him in a while, you'd be amazed. My nightmare is that we'll get to our hotel room and Mikey will take a look around and refuse to stay there. And then we'll have to find someplace else to go and lose our deposit and all that crap. And no guarantee that anyplace else will be clean enough either. He says he's been worried about that, too, so I've been studying hotel reviews for the past two days, trying to find a place that's clean enough to suit him.

Restaurants are a problem, too. We took Cathy and Mom to Outback the night before Cathy's knee surgery because that's where she wanted to go. The booth they seated us at had rice on the seat, so he made us get up and go to a different restaurant. It was really embarrassing. And one night, he went out to get us some Sonic burgers and came back with McDonald's instead. The next morning, I was putting Britt in her carseat in the back of his car when I found a bag full of Sonic food. He said he'd studied the cook staff through the window while he was waiting for the food and decided there was no way he could let us eat it.

So, this trip could either be a lot of fun or it could be an agonizing ordeal. The betting pool opens now.

Unless he backs out on me again, and then all bets are off.

Pint-Sized 'Puter Whiz

2008-07-14T23:19:00.000-05:00

Britt's a hardcore gamer. Already. At age 3.

It all started with Elmo's Potty Time. Now she plays games on all her favorite TV stations' websites: Noggin, Playhouse Disney, Sprout. Also, she likes watching videos on You-Tube; her favorites are this cat taking a dump on the toilet and Kitty Say What? And tonight I walked in on her while she was watching a video and singing along to "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

She doesn't even bother to ask if she can play on the computer anymore. She just takes down the safety gate that's supposed to keep her out of my office (it's hardly even a psychological barrier at this point) and hops right on. When things get too quiet, I always know where to find her.

And do you see what she's doing here?

She navigating bookmarks! All her games and favorites videos are in her own bookmark file and she can pull up whatever she wants without any help from us.

Next thing you know, she'll be starting her own blog.

How to "Patch" Like a Baby Bird

2008-07-10T12:28:00.008-05:00

First, you have to crack the egg:

Then you make a big enough hole for your body to come out:

And then you yell at Mommy to bring you some worms to eat:

Pretty in Pink, Pt. 2

2008-06-27T13:12:00.003-05:00

I finally recovered from our recent painting marathon and finished painting the bookcase so we could move it out of the entryway (where we have to squeeze past it to get to the front door) and into Britt's room.

She requested a rainbow but Mikey didn't want me to get too gaudy with it, so I painted the front edges of the shelves to match her closet doors, and she was delighted with the results:

We moved it into her room last night and she rounded up all her books to put on the shelves. She was so excited about it that I'm beginning to feel glimmerings of hope that the books might actually stay there instead of being scattered all over the living room floor, but time will tell.

She also picked out which stuffed animals she wanted on the top shelf, but I'm fixin' to go yank the ugly red gorilla and the green teddy bear because they clash with my color scheme.

I'm going to paint a few flowers and butterflies or bees or something on the sides and tried to get started on that today but couldn't print out the template I want to use because the printer's out of ink. So I taped a sheet of paper to the computer screen and traced it. Then I dug the projector out of the garage and discovered that my template is too big for the projector window. Also, I can't get the damned picture to focus because the projector's electrical cord is too short.

So, no painting today. It'll have to wait until I can get to the getting place for some ink and an extension cord. Actually, it will have to wait until Tuesday when Britt's back in school; she's been very disappointed that all the painting happens when she's not here, because she wants to help.

(***shudder***)

Potty Trained!

2008-06-24T12:04:00.001-05:00

The summer session at Britt's preschool started last week and she wore panties all three days with no accidents.

She only wears Pull-Ups at night now and, quite honestly, she wakes up dry most days so we could probably do without them, but I'm not in a big hurry to get rid of them altogether. I'm too busy leaping about with joy because I don't have to clean up poop-smeared booty anymore.

The Haircut

2008-06-19T23:49:00.002-05:00

That whole first week after it was done, I could hardly look at her without wanting to cry. It's taken me this long to even be able to talk about it.

It was way past time to do something; combing the snarls and tangles out of her hair every day led to flailing, wailing and buckets of tears. And it was pretty hard on her, too.

I didn't cut her hair myself because I was afraid of screwing it up. So we went to a salon. Where it was butchered even worse than I could have managed. When we got home I was so wrecked that I needed to lay down with a cold rag on my head.

I'm finally getting used to it, a little. I trimmed up the bangs some and it needs a few more snips on the sides, but I can't get her to hold still long enough. We stocked up on barrettes and we've been experimenting to see what works best -- parted in the middle, parted on the side, bangs down, bangs pinned back, etc.

But you know what?

She's still the cutest kid on the planet.

Just ducky, pt. 2

2008-06-12T23:13:00.001-05:00

Britt was eager for our baby duckies to "patch" but, when it finally happened, she slept through the whole thing. Which was probably just as well, since there was a bit of trauma involved.

We checked on the mama duck Sunday night and saw a little baby peeking out from underneath her, so we went away and let them do their thing for a while. In the meantime, I looked online to see what to expect next, and learned that she would probably lead her babies to the pond early the next morning.

We went out to check again a couple of hours later and saw her standing on the other side of the sidewalk with her babies gathered around her:

I told Mikey that I didn't think she was supposed to take them to the pond until morning, just as he leaned over to peek into the abandoned nest.

Guess what he saw in the nest?

Go ahead, guess.

You'll never guess.

It was a damned possum! Mikey chunked a rock at it and it ran off, but there was also a lone baby duck still in the nest that didn't look at all right. Not knowing what else to do, we went back in the house to give the mama duck a chance to take care of things:

When we came back out a little later, all the ducks were gone, except for the one still in the nest, which was dead. So Mikey took off down the street toward the pond to see if they made it there safely. He did find them on their way to the pond, and we've been meaning to go over there all week to see how they're doing (it rained like a mofo later that night and got pretty chilly), but haven't managed to yet.

We think she left here with seven live ducklings. When I was making the dead one go away I found a couple of unhatched eggs in the nest; I broke them open and saw that they were unfertilized. Which was good, because I was afraid she'd been chased off her nest before she could get them all hatched.

Anyway, Britt was extremely disappointed that she had missed everything, and also because she had wanted to ask the mama duckie if she could keep one of her babies for a pet, an issue that I am very happy to have avoided.

No turning back now

2008-06-04T15:47:00.002-05:00

The mullet is no more.

Her poppa is going to shit.

We have poop, people!

2008-06-03T17:25:00.003-05:00

In the potty! Where it belongs!

It was one week ago today that Britt finally started dropping the kids off at the pool. She wears panties all day and Pull-Ups only at night and away from home. She has occasional wet "accinents" but I haven't had to clean up any poopy panties, for which I am profoundly grateful.

She doesn't want an audience, though, so she slips away quietly to do her business and then comes running to tell me, "I pooped! Come and see!" So I go and admire the, um, end product, wipe her bottom and flush. And we all go away happy.

I put all her panties in her brand-new chest of drawers so she can grab a fresh pair whenever she needs to, and that's working out pretty well -- except that she usually uses a leg hole for a waistband, resulting in some pretty comical wedgies.

Also, I put all her stained, ratty clothing in the other drawers so she can pick out her own play clothes for the day and dress herself, while all her nice outfits for school and public outings hang safely in the closet. Or that was the plan, anyway. She keeps yanking them off their hangers, thinking she's going to wear her pretty dresses out to play in the backyard. Also, she changes clothes at least three or four times a day. Because she can. Because they're there. So accessible. So irresistible.

Another item in her chest of drawers: I was putting laundry away and pushed a drawer shut and heard a "yowwwr!" Stupid cat. I had to keep opening and closing drawers (more "yowwwrs") before I finally found him and dragged him out. I'm not sure if Britt tucked him away in there or if he found his own way in, but nothing would surprise me at this point.

Ruh-roh

2008-05-29T00:21:00.005-05:00

Don't tell Mikey, but Britt announced this afternoon that she doesn't like her new room. She wants a Spongebob room instead.

She is, however, sleeping in it right this minute.

In other news, Britt dropped a huge load in the potty this afternoon. She needed to go, she went, and then she came and told me about it. I went, looked, flushed, did the happy dance, and changed her skidmarked panties since she hasn't really grasped the concept of wiping yet. Then she announced that she was ready to go to the park, which was her promised reward for pooping in the potty.

Poppa was so happy when he came home from work that they immediately headed out to the park. Except they didn't go anywhere. I came in here to enjoy a few precious minutes of free time, and I could hear them talking outside the window. WTF?

It turns out, our front yard is turning into a danged aviary. We still have the nesting duck, and now there was a baby mockingbird on the sockywock (that's BrittSpeak for "sidewalk"):

Of course, Britt totally wanted to pick it up and cuddle it but was firmly ordered not to touch.

Anyway, her trip to the park was delayed until almost dark, but she did get to go so hopefully that reinforcement will encourage her to do it again tomorrow. And the next day, and the next...

Except that she wet her pants twice while she was gawking over the bird, until I finally put a Pull-Up back on her.

(***sigh***)

Pretty in Pink

2008-05-28T00:09:00.007-05:00

We've been planning to switch the office back to the bigger bedroom, so Mikey can keep all his guitars and amps and stuff in there too, and fix up the smaller bedroom really special for Britt. So that maybe Britt will actually sleep in there. So that Mikey and I can have our marital bed back.

Ahem.

Anyway, Bob took advantage of the three-day weekend to take Britt to Wichita for a visit. What better time for bedroom-switching and redecorating? I mean, can you imagine painting a room with a rambunctious three-year-old underfoot? I can, and it makes me shudder.

So, we got busy. First, furniture shopping! Unfortunately, Mikey didn't get home from work on Saturday until 6:30 so, after a nice dinner at Trapper's, we were only able to hit the two biggest furniture stores before closing time. And neither had anything good. The next day, after a nice lunch (it really was a holiday for me; no cooking all weekend!), we had to go to four more furniture stores to find what we wanted. I had no idea it would be that hard to find good-quality kids' furniture. Really, the selection was pitiful just about everywhere we went.

With a much lighter wallet, we hit Target next and found bedding, curtains and a lamp, and then we were off to buy paint. Mikey wanted pink, I wanted anything but pink. I lost. Then we went home and got busy. By this time, it was late Sunday evening, and Britt was due back Monday afternoon.

First, we had to clear the computer, books, videos and everything else out of the room. Fortunately (not so much for her) Bridgie dropped by, so we put her to work and the three of us managed that pretty quickly. And then, time to paint!

Mikey gave the ceiling a fresh coat of white and then me and Bridgie started on the walls. We could still see white through the pink, though, so I had to do a second coat. By myself, since Bridgie crapped out on us. Gah, it was only 3AM! What a lightweight!

Certain members of my family would call this Titty Pink. I call it Strawberry Shake. This is Titty Pink:

Okay, I may still be a little loopy. You know, fumes and all.

Mikey floored me with his suggestion to paint the woodwork white, which is something he wouldn't even consider in any other room we've decorated. Not the closet doors, though. He thought that would be too much white. So, what to do?

Hmmm...

The little shithead at the paint counter neglected to mention primer. It sure would have helped.

Because it took many coats to fully cover the wood. And each coat had to fully dry before the next was applied. I was up all night. Mikey slipped off to bed about 6:30 AM, and when he got up around 10:00, I still wasn't done.

Same with the back of the door. Many, many coats.

Eventually, the door will have Britt's handprints sprinkled across it in assorted colors. Not today, though. We're kind of painted out. Imagine that.

The switchplate was a lucky find. It was the last one in stock.

We were close to being done, but didn't manage to get the furniture in by the time Bob and Britt got back. Which was okay because Bob got to help lug stuff around and put it together instead of me.

(My old bookcase will sit against the wall on the right, as soon as Mikey finishes painting it.)

Then we hung the curtains.

And, once everything was as put together as it was going to get that day, we turned Britt loose.

And she loves it! She actually slept in her new bed last night. Until a thunderstorm woke her up and she came and crawled in bed with us.

We still need some little touch-ups on the trim, a new light fixture, and some cute knobs for the closet doors. Also, I'm supposed to paint a few flowers and butterflies randomly around the walls. But I think we did a pretty good job, considering that it was less than 24 hours from buying all the stuff to the "reveal."

What do you think?

Which witch?

2008-05-21T23:33:00.002-05:00

This costume was in a batch of Kayla's old clothes that Sarah's parents passed along to us:

The color-coordinated cowboy boots really make the outfit, don't you think?

Hey, Britt, what are you?
I'm a weech!

Just ducky

2008-05-20T20:45:00.003-05:00

Can you see her?

No? Can you see her now?

We have a duck nesting right outside our front door. Britt, of course, is absolutely entranced.

She's always wanting to go outside to see the duckie.

(Can you tell she put her own shoes on?)

All. Day. Long.

(That orange thing on the porch is her bubble barbecue. She stuck a popsicle stick in the fan and burned out the motor.)

So we go out once in the morning so she can feed the duck a piece of bread. We go out once in the afternoon to make sure she's still there. The rest of the day I fend off demands to go out and see the duckie. All. Day. Long.

The duck is apparently sitting on some eggs, since she doesn't get up and run away. Duck eggs take a month to hatch. I looked it up.

It's gonna be a very long month for me.

It's a girl!

2008-05-19T09:47:00.002-05:00

According to the sonogram this morning, Britt's gonna have a little sister.

You'll never guess when.

Go ahead, guess!

You'll never guess.

Why, September, of course! It's practically required for any child or grandchild of mine.

It's a happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T21:05:00.002-05:00

We aren't breakfast-eaters, so breakfast in bed isn't something I would expect. But Mikey did bring me a nice lunch from Applebee's. Also, he washed a sinkful of dishes for me.

Britt brought me a rose from one of my own rosebushes. Sweet little Pooh.

Bridgie brought me a card and a balloon. She said the balloon was actually for Britt, to keep her out of my hair for a while. It worked, until Britt snuck her balloon outside. She came running to tell me, "My beyoon fyew away! I need a hewwicopter to get it! Hurry! Let's go get one!"

I'm still waiting to hear from my son, who forgot my birthday. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

Anyway, Mikey and Britt are off to round up gifts and visit his mother and grandmother, so I'm having a peaceful afternoon. I've already called my mom, and sent her flowers earlier in the week, so I plan on spending the rest of the day doing as little as possible.

LATER: Well, my plan didn't work out. Mikey and Britt brought me cards and candy and not flowers but five Variegated Euonymus bushes to plant in front of the house. Which is cool, except that we spent the evening digging holes and planting them. But now I plan to spend the rest of the day doing as little as possible.

And Bob still hasn't called.

EVEN LATER: He finally called. So, yeah, I had a pretty happy Mother's Day. I hope you all did, too (where applicable).

Out of the mouth of the babe

2008-04-29T22:04:00.000-05:00

Some people call it a seesaw, some call it a teeter-totter. Britt splits the difference and calls it a "see-sotter."

The mockingbird that hangs around our front yard is a "birdpecker."

Whenever Mikey or I head toward the potty, she'll call after us, "Have a good accinent!"

My sewing machine is a "smoke machine."

Britt can hear kids playing in the yard behind ours and she's desperate to go play with them. Yesterday she came in and told me, "I can't get on the fence. I need a idea... Like this (holding up the ladder on a Matchbox fire truck). A ladder!"

She tells me I'm "prettiful."

She says she's a bird, so she can't use the regular bathtub anymore; she needs a birdbath to take her bath in.

We pass the neighborhood park going to and from school, and Britt gets very upset if she sees anyone else there. She'll roll down the window and yell at them, "Hey, you're in my park! Get outta my park, now! Get out!"

Also, she yells at other cars on the road. "Get out of the way!" "Hey, watch it, ya big skunk!"

When she does something she thinks is helpful, she'll say, "I'm a good job!"

She sure is.

Something fishy

2008-04-06T02:11:00.004-05:00

When I first got my aquarium over seven years ago, I had nothing else to do. The kids had moved out, I wasn't working, and it was just me and Kitty hanging out together all day, so I had plenty of time to take care of my fishies.

Things are different now. I have Britt, and she's a full-time job.

I don't have the time or the energy or the interest to keep up with the aquarium anymore, so I've been letting time do its thing. I haven't bought any new fish in years and the old ones have died off one by one. My last rainbowfish died a couple of months ago, the last of the original batch from when I first set up the tank, so I guess she was pretty elderly. I was down to just one cherry barb and, when that one finally kicked it, I was going to shut the whole thing down and be done with it.

And then Mikey decided that fish were just the most fascinating thing on earth, so he and Britt went to the fish store and came home with a whole tankful of rainbowfish, gouramis, neon tetras, guppies, plecostomuses (plecostomi?), more cherry barbs and a few other kinds.

Now he hangs out at various aquarium shops around town and he'll call and ask, "Can I have a German blue ram?" or "Can I have some discus?" and I have to tell him why they don't fit in with our current setup. Also, he and Britt have been studying pictures of fish on the internet. So now he wants a saltwater tank and a cichlid tank, plus a tall corner tank in the living room for some angelfish. He wants me to set up our old 10-gallon tank again so we can move the guppies and neons to it and make room for more fish in the 55-gallon tank.

Oh, and the best part? I get to do all the water changes and assorted maintenance because I'm "the one who knows how."

He has totally lost his mind. And he's driving me out of mine.

Wrapping up March

2008-03-30T18:55:00.002-05:00

Finally got some new batteries for my camera so I could upload all the pictures I've taken over the past month. Sucker eats batteries like they were Tic-Tacs.

Anyway, did I happen to mention that Sarah brought her new baby over? Well, she did, so Britt met her little half-brother for the first time:

She loves babies; several of her classmates have baby brothers or sisters and she's always asking if Poppa will bring her one. We're kind of, "Um, well, that's being taken care of, you know, from other quarters."

Also, Easter! Britt's finally big enough to hold her own against the bigger cousins, and she did pretty well in the egg-hunt race:

And then there was some sort of ball game:

I'm not sure what the rules were, or if there even were any.

But she had a good time anyway.

Next up, Mikey's turned into a fish fanatic. God help us all.

Defeated, again

2008-03-22T15:18:00.002-05:00

This week was spring break at Britt's preschool, so I thought it would be the perfect time to address the issue of potty-training once again.

We went the bare-butt route again, with pull-ups only for bedtime or leaving the house. And she managed to confound me over and over again, by doing her business before I got her pants off in the morning or after I had her dressed for bed. Our sitting-on-the-toilet sessions resulted only in heart-broken sobs and rivers of tears.

Finally, she announced to me, "Pee and poop in the potty is stupid! Bad potty! Bad, bad potty!"

We have gotten exactly nowhere this week.

Excuse me while I go bang my head against a wall.

It's raining

2008-03-18T11:09:00.003-05:00

This morning Britt stood in the bay window in the kitchen, looking out at our sodden backyard as she sang, "Rain, rain, go away..."

When I walked into the kitchen, she turned around and cried, "It's not working!"

K is for Kangaroo

2008-03-01T23:22:00.002-06:00

We went to Britt's class at the zoo today and learned about kangaroos. At craft time, Britt successfully pasted a pouch onto a kangaroo cutout, and slipped the little joey inside it. She was doing great until the girl sitting next to her ripped one of her kangaroo's arms so her dad told her she'd have to rip the other arm to match. So Britt followed the other's kid's dad's instructions and ripped the arms off her own kangaroo.

(***sigh***)

Anyway, the kangaroos are at the very furthest corner of the zoo, so we wandered off to do our own thing instead of following the rest of the class down there. Britt wanted to ride the tram, but it would've cost $3 for me and $2 for her and I only had a ten on me and that was our lunch money, so we watched the ducks and geese for awhile and then we walked in a different direction than we normally do and found -- Holy cow! -- a humongous playground! How long has that been there?

Britt got to swing

and slide

and climb

and walk across crazy rubbery thingys

and climb ladders

and ponder the universe. Or something. I dunno what she was doing here.

And then we got lunch and went home, because that was enough excitement for one day.

More excitement tomorrow: Britt's scheduled to meet her baby brother for the first time ever.

(Not) All Thumbs

2008-02-25T23:03:00.002-06:00

I was looking at Britt's Easter pictures, trying to decide which ones to order, when I noticed her thumb looking freakishly, enormously huge. Like, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues huge.

But her thumbs are not huge! They are perfectly normal, very cute little thumbs. See?

That's the same thumb. Totally normal. And you can sorta see the other thumb here:

It's completely normal, too.

So, I dunno what happened. Some kind of optical illusion, I guess.

An early Easter treat

2008-02-21T12:51:00.002-06:00

Got the proofs of Britt's Easter pictures already, but they're not as good as her regular school pictures were. Her hair looks like crap, but I really worked on it that morning so I don't know what happened.

I felt sorry for the poor bunny, being manhandled by all those kids all day long.

This is Britt's patented for-the-camera grin:

And she's got the Sarah lip here, so this one's definitely not my favorite:

There were two more, but they're worse than these. It's kind of a relief, though, because we won't be spending as much money as we did on the last set. And that's good, because they're already hitting us up for registration fees and first month's tuition for the summer and fall sessions.

Gratuitous Photo Post

2008-02-08T23:56:00.000-06:00

I realized that I haven't posted any pictures of Britt since Christmas so I've been chasing her around with the camera trying to get some good ones. She kept making faces or ducking or turning her head so, out of about 25 shots, I only got a couple of good ones (plz ignore chocolate muffin crumbs):

I cut some long layers in her hair and it looks much better; it's less tangly, too. The mullet hasn't grown out yet, so we're still doing the ponytails.

Britt says Hi! No, not really -- she was trying to hide her face and I caught her when she peeked.

This triker chick was riding around in circles in the kitchen, stopping every few seconds to bang on the bongo drum slung over her shoulder.

She got her picture taken with the Easter bunny at school today -- literally, a real live rabbit -- so that'll be another super expensive photo package I can't not buy. I'll post the proofs when I get them.

Well, it's a good thing

2008-02-07T11:56:00.000-06:00

that I still have:

the crib, sheets, blankets and bumper pads
the bluebird cribside music box
the dresser/changing table
the toile bassinet
the car seat/stroller combo
the bouncy/vibrating chair
the aquarium-themed swing (that Britt broke but maybe can be fixed)
the baby monitor
tons of little bitty socks
bags of bottles
loads of toys, rattles and teethers
etc.

because, in case you haven't heard, Bob's going to be needing them.

Well, there's a 50/50 chance he won't need the toile bassinet, which is pink. There's also a 50/50 chance that I'll be kicking myself for giving away most of Britt's frilly little baby togs.

I'll have to go dig in the garage to see what else I've still got.

She's a Trip

2008-01-26T13:12:00.000-06:00

Britt's been doing "magic trips" for me. She waves her magic wand (actually a pair of yellow sunglasses) and says the magic words (Dibby-dooby-doo!) and then she pulls an invisible rabbit out of a hat. For which she receives tremendous applause, of course.

She emptied her little red doctor's kit and filled it with books, and proudly announced that it was her bookcase.

I walked into the kitchen and found her hopping across all my potholders laid out on the floor, going, "Ribbit! Ribbit!" She told me they were her frog pads. When I sat down nearby to gather up some other toys, she hollered, "Uh-oh! The water's getting you!"

Also, she's been chasing the cat around with a belt looped around on itself through the buckle; she calls it her cowboy rope. Oh, well, better the cat than me.

Crap! Crap! Crap!

2008-01-24T02:23:00.000-06:00

Mikey's birthday is tomorrow. It always sneaks up on me.

Crap!

One-Girl Wrecking Crew

2008-01-13T12:46:00.001-06:00

I still keep the baby gate across the doorway to my office because it's the only way I can keep my books and papers and photos from becoming part of the daily debris field left in the wake of the Short Tornado.

This morning, I discovered the baby gate partially dismantled. There were two metal brackets, one screw and a Phillips screwdriver on the floor.

She's starting to scare me.

Oh, yeah. I have a blog.

2008-01-10T23:51:00.000-06:00

Right. Well, um, not much going on lately, really...

Britt had the golden squirts for a week after Christmas, much like the Shitstorm of 2007. Lots of stuff running down the leg and contaminated bedding and clothing changes and whatnot. I'm so glad that's over.

Now she has a rash, on her left side and chest and a little bit on her arm. I freaked at first, thinking chicken pox, but she's been vaccinated for that. Besides, it would've been all over her by now and it's receding instead. I think it's from soap that didn't get washed off in the bath. She loves soaping up; rinsing, not so much.

She started back to school on Tuesday, and we're signed up for a fresh round of zoo and art classes. First up: "J is for Jaguar!" on Saturday.

I haven't used my new crock pot or mixing bowls yet, but one of my gorgeous new glasses got chipped already and Mikey tossed it out. Oh, and I got $50 worth of iTunes gift cards for Christmas too, but, well, um, I sort of don't need them now. That's all I'm sayin' about that.

Mikey was complaining the other day that I never make my super-fabulous chicken pot pie or lasagna anymore and I was all, "Dude! That's a three-hour process!" and he was all pouty and shit, so I tried to make the chicken pot pie today, but I think I loaned the cookbook that has the recipe to Sherri, so I had to wing it. And, um, Sher? I need that recipe. Call me.

How does she know that?

2007-12-29T00:15:00.000-06:00

One of Britt's stocking stuffers was a set of animal pictures for her Viewmaster. She popped one in, took a look and said, "Ooh! A puma!"

How the hell does she know what a puma is?

While I was getting ready to go Christmas shopping, we were looking through sale papers together when she pointed at a picture and correctly identified a telescope.

When we were getting into the car, she pointed up to the sky and said, "Look! Seagulls!" Sure enough, we occasionally do see seagulls around here, presumably because of the nearby lake.

Tonight I played catch with her; she used her fuzzy pink purse as a baseball "gwub" and, when she was throwing to me, she'd swing her arm around like she was winding up for a pitch.

We were watching Tom & Jerry flying to Mars when they passed through an asteroid field. Britt pointed and yelled, "Meteors!" While technically incorrect, it was close enough that I was impressed.

Say what you will about kids watching too much TV, none of this stuff has been covered in any of the books I've read to her, and none of it is stuff I would have thought to teach her yet. I don't know how else she would have picked it up.

She's just astounding us left and right lately.

Is it...? Is it over yet?

2007-12-28T10:13:00.000-06:00

It is? Oh, good. Me and Christmas don't always get along that well.

This year wasn't too bad, though. I had my own car and got to do my own shopping. Plus I wasn't wracked by depression, which helped a lot.

Anyway, guess what?

Mama's got a brand new bag!

And new mixing bowls!

Also, some lovely new glassware, because Mikey carries all our glasses off to the store with his morning Coke fix and they never come back; these are not allowed to leave the house.

And a crock pot, finally. Mikey's not thrilled about that because he thinks he's gonna be eating overcooked goop from now on, but I'm totally excited about a whole new world of easy cooking possibilities. Because if there's one thing I hate worse than Christmas, it's cooking.

Plus, I got this so I can play with this (because it's not Mac-compatible).

Britt had a great Christmas. Or five. By the time she opened her gifts from us on Christmas morning, she was kind of burned out on the whole thing; she wandered off in the middle of it to play with her Play-Dough. Her mother brought a bunch of stuff over on Friday, her other grandpa's package arrived on Saturday, and we saw her dad on Sunday, so by Tuesday the seemingly endless flood of gifts was kind of like, eh, whatever.

Now we just need a bigger house to hold all her stuff.

So damn crafty

2007-12-19T23:28:00.000-06:00

Hey! Looky what I did:

Britt's preschool is having a Christmas party tomorrow, so I had to sign up to bring something. Napkins and plastic forks were already spoken for, dammit, so I'm bringing something I made with my own two hands to show everybody up.

Can you tell what they are? Don't laugh now. You try sitting down with a bag of Lifesavers and see what you can make out of 'em. From left to right, there's a candy cane, a Christmas tree, a bunch of grapes (I said don't laugh), a wreath, a Christmas stocking, and a cross (it is a Christian preschool, you know).

Yes, I know the cross looks like C3PO and R2D2 had a bastard child. Shut up.

My Little Cupcake

2007-12-13T23:46:00.000-06:00

We went to the Christmas Cupcake Party at the zoo last Saturday, where Britt got to decorate her own cupcake.

There was a little technical difficulty,

but she finally got it done to her satisfaction,

and then she ate it.

And it was good!

There were also Christmas crafts, which were a little too old for her, so she mostly just cut up paper.

And then, chinchilla time! Britt asserted her way into the front row

so she could be first to pet it.

And then

it was time to meet The Man:

How sweet is this?

A bloody fright

2007-12-12T23:12:00.000-06:00

So, last Tuesday, Britt came home after school and we were puttering around the house until it was time to go to a(nother) classmate's birthday party.

I was in the living room when I heard the thump.

Britt came in wailing hysterically, so I scooped her up and checked her over for blood or broken bones but couldn't see anything wrong. I asked what was hurt and she indicated her bottom, so I sat and rocked her until the crying subsided and she hopped off to go play.

And then I saw the blood all over my shirt.

Obviously, my injury-checking skills suck. I had checked all over her front, but not her back, and that's why I missed the fact that blood was gushing out of the back of her head. I wiped some of it off to find where it was coming from, which turned out to be a gnarly one-inch gash. And then I flipped smooth out very quietly so I wouldn't scare her.

Before heading off to the minor emergency clinic, I asked her to show me what she hit her head on. You know where our entry hall takes a right-hand turn into the living room? Well, the wooden wainscot forms a pretty sharp corner there and, through some combination of stocking feet, glazed tile floor and careening about like a hyperactive monkey, she apparently managed to fall backward against it.

So we went to the clinic and she was very brave. The doctor put a topical anesthetic on it first, then cleaned out the wound before putting four staples in it (instead of stitches so he wouldn't have to cut any hair), and she didn't even whimper until the last staple was going in.

She got her staples removed this afternoon. When Mikey came home from work, she ran to the door yelling, "Poppa! Poppa! I got my simples out!"

That's my hard-headed girl.

Staples, Santa, and Slickery Shit

2007-12-10T23:06:00.000-06:00

I've neglected the blog something awful lately while spending all my computer time on GoodReads -- but I get a lot more love over there than I do here, so what do you expect? Jeez!

Anyway, we're in the midst of an ice storm right now and the worst power outage in state history but, by some miracle, we're warm and toasty here at the ranch. The trees aren't doing so well, though:

The branch on the upper left was hanging ominously over my car, so Bridgie helped me chip ice off the door until we got it open, and then directed me (since I couldn't see a damn thing) while I backed down to the street and then pulled in to the other side of the driveway. A good thing, too, since that branch is now lying in my former parking space and I could be minus a windshield right now.

Also, the big branch on the right has broken off and is lying on the ground. At this rate, that big beautiful tree won't be much more than a stump by the time things thaw out.

The back yard is a winter wonderland, though,

except that my poor crepe myrtles are nearly prostrate.

Anyway, enough of that. I'm getting a chill.

I haven't told you about the staples yet, which is a horror story involving lots of blood, but that deserves a post of its own. I'll try to get to it tomorrow.

Also, I still have to tell you about this:

Wearable Art

2007-11-27T23:37:00.000-06:00

Mikey finally succumbed to Britt's incessant pleas for some markers of her very own. Thankfully, they're washable markers because:

Now I get free mani-pedis and the occasional henna tattoo:

Oh, wait -- are henna tattoos red or brown? Well, no matter. I've got red and brown. And yellow!

*****

Little Miss Sticky Fingers got hold of my camera, which is why this shot has such a lovely soft focus:

The lens is clean now, but the outer protective shutter keeps sticking shut no matter what I do. Shit, hell and damn on that.

Britt's school pictures

2007-11-21T23:34:00.000-06:00

We only have proofs right now so the image quality is awful, but here's a sneak peek:

We're trying to decide which how many of which poses to order, because they're frickin' expensive! And they make you order a whole package of one pose before you can order any individual sheets. Fuckers.

Britt has a boyfriend

2007-11-15T09:47:00.000-06:00

He's a cute little kid with spiky blond hair. His name is Xavier.

Miss Millie told me that when Xavier drags his feet about going to school in the morning, his mother reminds him that Brittany will be there, and then he can't get to school fast enough.

*****

Britt has a strange new habit lately. She sticks her finger in her ear and pulls it out with a little *pop* sound and then she, well, um, she sniffs it.

I know kids do all kinds of weird things, but I've never heard of earwax-huffing before. Does earwax even have a smell? Hold on...

Oh, never mind, I can't tell. All I smell is hand lotion.

I guess there are worse orifices she could be poking and sniffing, so I probably shouldn't worry about it. It's just that it seems so, you know, odd.

Oddments

2007-11-08T14:12:00.000-06:00

The cat escaped the other day. He always tries to, whenever the front door is opened, so he can go outside and munch on grass. Whenever he does manage to get out, we always go and chase him down and bring him back in, against our better judgment.

But Britt let him out the other day when we came home from school and I made a couple of half-hearted attempts to catch him but he kept running under my car and I wasn't about to go crawling under there after him, so I said fuck it and went back inside. Later I went out a couple of times to see if he was anywhere handy but I didn't see him, so I thought, Cool! He's gone! And it's not my fault!

So I mentioned it to Bridget when she got home from work and, of course, she went right out and found him. And brought him back inside.

I still haven't quite forgiven her for that.

*****

Britt's school is having a Christmas program next month. and I guess they're already working on their songs because she's been singing Jingle Bells around the house lately.

Another song she likes to sing is the theme song to her (current) favorite cartoon:

Bye-Bye the Saiwor Man
Poop! Poop!
Bye-Bye the Saiwor Man
Poop! Poop!...

*****

When I pick up Britt from school, I always cut through the subdivision next to it to avoid a busy intersection. Today I was following that route when I stopped at a stop sign and had to wait while a bowling ball slowly rolled down the cross street from left to right. I looked around but couldn't see anyone or anything to explain this strange phenomenon, so I'm left wondering, WTF?

Princess Brittany went to the ball

2007-11-02T10:23:00.000-05:00

Not really. It was a classmate's birthday party.

Target didn't have any costumes left at all, but I found a deep-discounted Cinderella outfit at Party Galaxy. And a pair of "glass" slippers. The tiara was from Britt's first birthday party, and I spent thirty minutes yesterday afternoon digging two-year-old frosting out of all its tiny little crevices with a toothpick.

At the party, she wore her tiara backwards for a while, because she's cool like that.

The girls made princess wands and then Britt took a turn at "Pin the Kiss on the Frog,"

and she ~~barely tapped~~ whacked the pinata a couple of times.

Then there was cake and gift opening. She was not happy that she didn't get to unwrap the gift we brought.

We took group photos of the five little princesses (and some bratty little boys),

and then we split, before Grammy turned into a pumpkin.

Halloween(ed Out)

2007-10-31T22:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the costume parade at school, where the kids were led through the halls to collect candy from church ladies stationed along the route:

Britt looks really excited, doesn't she? The gypsy holding her hand is her teacher, Miss Millie.

I think she's getting burned out on the costume thing since she balked for a minute about putting it on tonight for the third time, until she remembered that it would get her more candy.

She watched some other trick-or-treaters work the cul-de-sac while Poppa changed his socks:

And she flitted around a bit, you know, like ladybugs do:

Then she flopped down on the ground

and handed me her wings.

Then she rolled around on the grass,

just enjoying nature. Or something. You know, like ladybugs do.

And then she did some actual trick-or-treating:

We covered about three blocks and she was really good about saying "Trick-or-treat!" and "Thank you," but I had to keep reminding her to only push each doorbell once. She likes to ring ours every time she comes through the front door. A lot.

After we got home, Mikey took her to see Gigi and his folks to collect more candy, and her wings and antennae got lost somewhere along the way. When they came back, Britt shrieked, "My wings! My...my...my..." and then she waved her hand around her head because she doesn't know the word "antennae." It was cute. Maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, yay! Halloween is over and now I can chill, except that tomorrow night we go to the first birthday party outside the family that Britt's ever been invited to. And, of course, it's a princess party and all the girls are supposed to dress "princessy" and Britt doesn't have a princess costume. She could go as a ladybug princess, but now she doesn't have any wings or antennae.

(***sigh***)

So I'll be keeping an eye peeled for marked-down princess costumes when I go shopping for a birthday gift tomorrow. Wish me luck on that.

Ladybug, Ladybug

2007-10-28T09:04:00.000-05:00

Britt's school had a trick or treat party yesterday, so she got to wear her Halloween costume for the first time.

She's finally reached the age of goofy smiles; I have three different shots of her grinning just like this:

After the party, we toasted her good fortune at raking in a pumpkin-ful of goodies,

and then she kicked back with Poppa to enjoy some of her loot.

Little Rhinestone Drummer Cowgirl

2007-10-25T10:29:00.000-05:00

The hat that came with Bridgie's Halloween costume was too small for her so she gave it to Britt.

Britt scrounged up a mis-matched pair of boots, plunked the hat on her head and demanded that I bring her horse around, pronto! Then she went off riding the range:

C'mon, Britt, gimme a big smile!

Um, okay, never mind.

Later, she set up her drum kit (she calls them her bam-bams)

and played her little heart out.

(Okay, this is where I would've posted an MP3 of "Wipeout" if I knew how to do that and I would've told you to click here to listen to a sample of Britt's drumming ability and you would've clicked on it and maybe smiled a little bit, but since I don't know how to post an MP3 to my blog, you'll just have to imagine that part. Sorry.)

Mom's 15 minutes of fame

2007-10-18T11:44:00.000-05:00

Phil sent me a picture of the billboard:

Dang, that's a horrible picture; she looks like she's in pain.

She traded in the Corvette for this sporty little number (and a pocketful of cash):

Phil was supposed to bring her down to see me tomorrow, but she called and cancelled this morning. I'm bummed.

Phil's bummed because he never got to drive the 'Vette.

I've died and gone to heaven

2007-10-15T23:34:00.000-05:00

Mikey and Britt went shopping this evening. One of their purchases was an almost-Halloween cupcake cake.

Britt and I enjoyed some almost-Halloween-cupcakey goodness together,

and then

she shot me.

Bad kitty

2007-10-08T23:31:00.000-05:00

Remember a few months ago when the cat started using our bed for a litter box? Well, we finally managed to break him of that, but now he's taken a fancy to Bridgie's bed.

She came home a wee bit tipsy and went straight to bed after spending Saturday night out with friends. She woke up Sunday morning reeking of cat piss because she'd rolled around all night in a wet spot.

I snickered as I handed her a rag and a can of upholstery cleaner. I mean, better her bed than mine, right? Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny.

Until last night, when I climbed into bed and my legs landed in something cold and clammy.

The little sumbitch pulled a two-fer this weekend.

The only reason he's still here is because Britt calls him "my baby kitty" and "my friend," but he's down to his ninth life now.

Britt-isms

2007-10-06T23:25:00.000-05:00

Britt speaks pretty clearly now, although her syntax is a little off sometimes. For example, when she wants me to open a door she says, "Put the door out!"

She's confused about pronouns at the moment -- a girl is a he and a boy is a she -- so she says things like, "Where Poppa at? I want her!"

She's still not pooping in the potty, either at home or at school, but her teachers are working with her on that. Apparently, when she goes to the potty there, they tell her to "push it out." At home she insists on keeping me and Bridgie company when we're in the bathroom, encouraging us in her piping little voice, "C'mon, smash it out!"

When I have to speak sternly to her, she'll go, "Don't say to me. It's not nice!"

Riding home from school yesterday, she asked hopefully, "Go buy-buy some toys?" Then she repeatedly crowed, "I want some toys!"

And then, in case I hadn't heard and/or understood her the first eight times, she said it once more, very slowly and deliberately, "I! WANTS! UM! TOYS!"

I almost drove right off the road.

Ballet school dropout

2007-10-05T23:39:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess it's over.

I was dreading today, after what happened last Friday. I tried to talk to Britt about it several times, but her only response was to shriek, "No! No dance cwass!"

I don't know what happened. She seemed like she enjoyed the first three weeks so much, and then last week she totally lost her shit. And today, when I brought out her leotard and tights to get her ready to go, she just went to pieces. So we didn't go.

I'll have to call next week and tell them she won't be back. At least, not this year. It's supposed to be fun, after all, and if she's not having fun then there's no point.

I am a little disappointed, but mostly I'm bewildered because I can't figure out why she loved it one week and hated it the next. It's so weird.

Maybe it's just because she's three.

(***shrug***)

Beats the hell outta me.

Squee! It's here!

2007-10-04T13:03:00.000-05:00

Last week I ordered Britt the cutest damn Halloween costume ever! Mikey and Bridgie will be relieved to know it's finally here since I've been relentless about keeping them updated on its progress via UPS tracking.

I can't wait to see it on her, but once she sees it she's gonna want to wear it every minute of every day; we already have to spell the word "costume" around her. I think I'll wait until everybody gets home tonight so we can all admire her in it, and then I'll have to stash it away so it'll be out of sight and hopefully out of mind.

She'll actually get some wear out of this one because there's a trick-or-treat party at school on the Saturday before Halloween, and then a costume parade at school on Tuesday since they're closed on Wednesday. And, of course, we'll take her trick-or-treating Wednesday night. After that, she can use it to play dress-up all she wants.

I bet you're just dying to know what her costume is, aren't you? Oh, you're not? Well, that's good because all I'm saying is that it's red and black and it has, um, accessories.

Back to the Punkin Patch

2007-10-01T23:08:00.000-05:00

We had such a good time at Chester's last year that we had to do it again.

At the petting zoo, Britt fed this cute little llama

and the goats.

She was very popular with the goats

and the sheep,

but not so much with the ducks that were running loose. Because Britt went running after them.

But they were faster.

And then, PONY RIDES!!!

Actually, we got off easy this year. She was content with only three rides instead of 67.

Then it was time to pick out her little punkin.

This is my little punkin:

When it was time to go, she shook hands with Willie

and then found some more punkins she wanted to take home.

She's not a big fan of the "just one punkin" rule.

After we got home she started hollering, "Cut it, Poppa! Cut it!"

And so he did.